


På och på och på

by Jag_Erin



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Asexuality, Assassins & Hitmen, Bloodshed, Character Death, Deals, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Family Loss, Family Secrets, Fighting, Filicide, Graphic Descriptions of Sex, Gun Violence, Guns, Hate Crimes, Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, IKEA Mafia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Manipulation, Marriage of Convenience, Murder, Open Marriage, Other, Period Typical Bigotry, Physical Abuse, Platonic Relationships, References to Depression, The Commission, The Swedes - Freeform, Violence, Virginity, farm life, making deals, romantic relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:21:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 40,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26432566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jag_Erin/pseuds/Jag_Erin
Summary: Axel, Otto, and Oscar are all keeping secrets about themselves and each other. Living life where family is the most important thing means being willing to sacrifice.
Relationships: Axel (Umbrella Academy)/Original Female Character(s), Oscar (Umbrella Academy)/Original Male Character(s), Otto (Umbrella Academy) & Original Character(s)
Comments: 46
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone who read the first chapter when I first posted it, it has been edited. I mixed up Otto and Oscar. I have corrected it.

“Helga Gustavsson made the blodkorv,” which made sense since it was barely edible. The Gustavsson girl was not the best cook. She tried, which he supposed was better than nothing, but she usually failed. She had greatly under seasoned it and he knew that her family was well off enough to afford the spices, “She is a sweet girl, Axel.”

He could feel his mother’s eyes on him and he could hear his brother Oscar stifling a laugh. Otto proceeded to stuff a piece of bread into his mouth to avoid having to be part of the conversation. They both knew what their mother was doing and they both knew it was useless. Axel knew what his mother was doing too. Her heath had not been the best as of late. The doctor came to see her often but could offer nothing more than options to ease her discomfort when the coughing became too bad. She wanted to see her eldest son married and her sons taken care of before she passed. 

Unknown to her, he already had his fill of the Gustavsson girl several months ago and he had no desire to have a repeat of the less than satisfactory experience. Neither of them had a good evening that night. She seemed more interested in following around their farmhand’s daughter and sneaking off with her in the middle of the night. Axel had no reason to tell anyone her secret. If he wasn’t going to tell on his brother Oscar’s interest in the boy who came to collect the milk to take around town, he wasn’t going to tell on the Gustavsson girl.

“Yes. She is,” he forced himself to eat the sausages she had made, simply to be kind. Axel wasn’t generally a cruel man. He knew how to be grateful when someone gave him something even if he wasn’t something he particularly liked.

They all sat around the small dining table. It was nicer to eat in close quarters like this than it was at the large table meant for a larger family. It was easier for his mother too. She could just settle down into a seat in the kitchen, rather than having to walk around too much. They didn’t have to use as much power or gas to light the small kitchen. Taking care of the farm these days wasn’t easy and he knew that was something his mother worried about.

After his father passed five years ago, things had taken a turn for the worse. People had trusted his father and his father had been good at selling the things they made and grew. With him gone, other families had stepped in to claim his place and it was hard to get back on track. When his mother started getting sick, it just made it that much harder. They had to neglect things to take care of her and it was starting to show. The fact that neighboring farms were pitying them with food was a sign of that. Just another reason for his mother to push the Gustavsson girl on him. They were the nearest farm to them. It would be easy to combine the lands and get things back in shape if Axel married her. 

He knew that he likely had to go through with it. He knew Helga would be about as enthusiastic about it as he was. So long as they understood each other, he supposed it wouldn’t be terrible. Just a few nights to ensure they had a child to appease their families, then they could go about their own business. Perhaps her female lover would be a better cook and they could pass her off as some kind of maid or nanny.

Axel was not above sacrificing his personal wants or needs for his family. If his mother wanted him to married Helga Gustavsson, then he’d do it. She’d only be bringing it up if the discussion had already started between their families. He was sure Helga wouldn’t be making sausages for them for no reason. Perhaps she wasn’t a terrible cook and she just hoped that by cooking terrible that he might turn down the offer when the time came. Axel wasn’t going to do that though. If it meant a better life for his brothers and more comfort for his mother, he’d do it.

“The Gustavsson’s have invited us to Valborgsmässoafton,” that told Axel that it was going to happen soon. They would be engaged on Valborgsmässoafton and married in June. That way she could be pregnant in the cooler months to make it more comforting for her. Such a holiday was not a private affair for most. It was a public event. So to be invited to their farm for it meant that was when it was going to happen. He was sure his mother and the Gustavsson’s thought it would be a nice memory for them.

“Oscar will have the cart ready by noon and Otto will make sure it is packed,” his brothers nodded lightly at their instructions. It would not be a one day trip. Most tended to eat and drink enough that they had to sleep wherever they were. It was likely they would be spending the evening and the next day at the other farm.

Things went quiet for a while longer as they finished their dinner. Their mother wouldn’t tolerate them cleaning up. She’d done it for most of her life and it was something she was determined to keep doing even if she couldn’t do other things anymore. His brothers cleared their plates, but they did not try to clean their dishes.

Normally, they all waited to leave at the same time, but he’d silently motioned for his brothers to leave. It was obvious his mother wanted to speak with him more about the subject of Helga, but she was too old fashioned to do it in front of his brothers.

Axel waited at the table as his mother started to move around to get the dishes cleaned. He cared deeply for her. She was a strong woman and she worked hard her whole life. He owed it to her to make her last years easier. Family meant everything to Axel, “Mother, do you want me to marry the Gustavsson girl?” he saw no reason to not be upfront about it.

She smiled and pat him lightly on the shoulder before leaning over to kiss his temple, “If you like her. She is a sweet girl and she tries very hard. She is pretty too.”

Helga was pretty. That was why he’d first kissed her months ago and asked her to join him in the barn that night. Apparently, she had used him as confirmation that she would prefer the comfort of another woman’s arms. Axel wasn’t offended. She wasn’t the first woman he’d been with and they had both been a little drunk. She was pretty though. There was no denying that. It would make it easier to make a child with her and he’d try to make it as pleasant for her as he could, “If she’ll have me.”

“She would be out of her mind not to. You are the most handsome and hardworking man around,” she kissed his temple again, “Now go. You need your rest.”

Axel knew better than to fight her on that. None of them had successfully fought their mother when she said it was time to rest. Even unwell, she would find a way to win that fight. So he climbed to his feet and bent down to give her a small kiss to the top of her head, “Do not stay up too late, Mamma,” was all he could say to her before he started for his room.

Once in his room, he was confronted by his youngest brother, Oscar. The younger man looked nervous, “Are you really going to marry that girl? You told me she was like me,” Axel had been conflicted the first time he caught his brother with the milk boy. They had all been raised the same. Told that marriage and love were between a man and a woman. That nature was that way. To see his brother defying what they had been taught in such a way left him with mixed feelings. In the end, he loved his brother more than he cared about supposed laws by some being in the sky.

“She is, but she is also the oldest daughter in her family. It’s our duty to do this,” there was no risk of Helga not accepting his proposal. She would do what she knew she had to for her family, just like he was. He was an understanding man and he would do his best to make life comfortable for her, “This is for the best,” he smiled and pat the younger man on the shoulders, “Once I do my duty to our family, it will allow you some more freedom. You’ll always have a home here and you’ll never have to hide who you are in these walls.”

“Because you sacrifice your happiness for me? I don’t want that, Axel.”

“My happiness is the happiness of you, Otto, and Mamma. I will find happiness in knowing I have done what will give my family the best possible life, Oscar. Think of the life you will have,” once their mother passed, as sad time as that would be, this farm would be left to Oscar and Otto to care for while he was with his wife and family at the larger farm. They could live their lives as they pleased with no one to judge or interfere. Axel would be crucial in making that happen. It wasn’t even just about keeping Oscar safe. Otto was a peculiar man. 

The second-born man in their family had odd interests. No, that wasn’t right. He enjoyed most of the same things any other man did. He could drink as much as any other man in town. He enjoyed going hunting and he was very good at his farm work. Otto was tall and strong for his age. Not the most handsome, some said when compared to himself or Oscar. But he didn’t show any interest in women. He showed no desire to have children of his own, to have a family of his own, or to even just bed women for pleasure. 

For a time, Axel had started to think that perhaps Otto was like Oscar. Though he was starting to doubt that as well. They had all discussed Oscar’s situation in private. Otto had to know that if he were that way, then it was okay for him to admit it to them. He didn’t though and Axel had tried to look for his eyes straying to other men when they were in town and things like that. He never noticed it though. Otto didn’t seem to have any desire for intimacy in that way.

Axel would do what he needed to for his brothers. That was all it came down to.


	2. Chapter 2

“Axel, how often do I get a chance to be alone with him?” he said very softly, trying not to draw attention to himself or his older brother. Otto was busy helping their mother into the cart and making sure she was comfortable, “I want to show Filip around the house for once,” he was tired of sneaking around. Oscar knew he would always have to, but for just a few moments, he wanted to pretend like he was normal. That what he did was normal. Axel brought women around the house and into his room, he felt like he should be able to do the same. If just this once. There was no telling when this chance would come up again. He’d thought about it all night.

“I’m getting engaged to Helga tonight. Her family will not like it if our whole family is not there. It’s rude,” he still didn’t support what his brother was doing. Trapping himself into a marriage with a woman who didn’t love him. Axel was willing to support him in his affair, but that didn’t mean Oscar had to support his decision to do this. It wasn’t like he had a say in it though. Axel had thought this through and he’d always been willing to go to the extreme for their family. Oscar knew he wouldn’t change his brother’s mind.

“I’ll be there. I promise,” he didn’t support it, but he wouldn’t ruin it, “It won’t take long. He’s here now to pick up the milk bottles. I just want to be with him the way everyone else gets to be with the one they love.”

Axel shook his head, “I don’t need details. Just be quick about it and be along to the Gustavsson’s farm.”

“I will,” he smiled before turning and running back towards the house before his brother could change his mind. He briefly heard his brother telling the other two members of their family that he would be along later. 

He felt his heart racing, but not because he was running. No. Oscar felt nervous as he slowed a bit and tried to collect himself as he rounded towards the front of the house. He ran his fingers through his short cut blond hair before smoothing out his jacket by tugging at the bottom of it. He saw Filip standing by his cart, just waiting. He knew that Filip didn’t wait for everyone. It was just for him, which made his heart pound faster. 

He remembered the first time he met Filip. It was two years ago. The other man was new to the milk delivery for the town and being shown around by the old man that would pass away a few months later from a bad cold. He’d felt something for Filip the moment he saw him, but he hadn’t been entirely sure what it was. 

Oscar had seen his brother Axel with women. He was good with women and Oscar tried to do the same things his brother did, but it never quite worked out. Not because the girls weren’t interested, but it just felt strange when he’d try to kiss them or go further than that. Oscar had never successfully been with a woman. He didn’t feel so bad about it though, because he knew Otto had never been with one either. The difference was that Oscar wanted to experience being with another person and he got the feeling that Otto was rather indifferent about it.

Meeting Filip, he felt all those things he knew he should feel for a woman. Filip was very handsome and very strong. He could lift several of the milk crates with just one arm. It was impressive. He had very dark brown hair, almost black in color, which was not common in their town. His dark hair and eyes made him stand out. Oscar couldn’t take his eyes off the dark-haired man sometimes. 

The feelings he got felt strange at first. He talked to the other man as much as possible. There was so much for him to learn about Filip. Like that he wanted to expand on the business. Get a whole team and work across several towns and cities in the area from a central location. Filip had goals and plans. Filip was smart too. Probably the smartest person Oscar had ever met. It wasn’t uncommon for people to forgo any schooling to help out with the family farm or business. Filip always had a book with him though and he was good with words. 

But no amount of getting to know Filip could change the fact that Oscar knew there was a chance that the other man didn’t have the same feelings. That he wasn’t allowed to tell the other man what his feelings were. It was too big a risk. Their family was struggling as it was and he couldn’t risk his own feelings getting in the way of them getting back on their feet. It was also dangerous for himself. Oscar remembered hearing the story of the two men who were found together in town when he was younger. He remembered his father talking about what had happened to them. 

It was Filip, who was stronger than he was, that made the first move. Following him to the barn one day during pick up and speaking softly to him before kissing him. Oscar couldn’t forget what Filip had said to him that day. It was a poem from one of his books.

_Deadly sins, do you still want me?  
Wrath, do you want to bloom in me?  
Want to drive blood into my cheek  
and make my heart accelerate.  
Envy, short sting  
do you want to smack me,  
churn in me—vain rampages  
after my next lonely life.  
I want to feel pride and run  
with pride’s stiff neck,  
I want to feel the bitter sweet sting of sex in my body  
and rest in the moment on flattery’s shaggy carpet.  
I want to feel how cunning works in my brain  
and how excess grips me and touches me with desire.  
Deadly sins, do you still want me?  
Can you still work in me?_

Since that day, they hadn’t risked doing much. Mostly just a kiss some mornings in the barn. When Axel had caught them in the middle of their kiss, he had thought that would be the end of it. He didn’t know why he had feared his brothers knowing the truth. They didn’t understand, but they didn’t shame him or tell anyone. Even still, Filip and he didn’t want to risk it.

Today was different though. For the first time in two years, they had the chance to be alone. His family was gone and they wouldn’t be back until some time tomorrow. Oscar knew he’d promised to be there and he would try, but he just couldn’t let this opportunity get away from him. Axel could throw away his love life, but Oscar wasn’t going to.

“Good morning, Oscar,” the other man smiled and he felt his stomach turn nervously.

“Good morning, Filip.”

He watched the other man look around a bit, “Where are your brothers?”

Oscar shoved his hands into his jacket pockets nervously and looked at his feet, “They are on their way to the Gustavsson’s with my mother for the parties tonight. Axel is going to propose to Helga. I’m surprised you are working today.”

“It might be a holiday, but people still need their milk to bake with for the party. Please tell Axel congratulations for me,” he felt his stomach flutter. Filip was very work-oriented, but Oscar admired that, “They left you alone?”

“I...I’m going to catch up later. In time for the proposal,” at least he kept telling himself that, “I didn’t want to miss seeing you. For the delivery,” he added the last part on very quickly.

“I see. I guess we should get on with it then. So you can catch up with your family.”

Oscar swallowed hard, “It’s warm out today. The barn is...stuffy,” he hadn’t thought over how he wanted to go about this entirely. Oscar knew he wasn’t the brightest, but he also hadn’t got much time to think over this. Just last night and this morning, “Maybe you should come inside for some water first.”

“Inside?” for the first time, he heard Filip’s voice crack a little.

“Yes. I don’t think you’ve ever been inside before. I could...I could show you around. I found this old book. I think it was my grandfather’s. I thought you might like it. It’s...it’s in my room. We could go up there for a little bit, just so you could rest a little. You work so hard,” Oscar couldn’t seem to stop talking. He knew he should, but he just kept going. Trying to justify any reason at all to get Filip inside, “I don’t know what the book is about. Maybe you could read a bit of it to me?” Oscar could read a little, but most storybooks had more complicated words than when he needed to work the basics on the farm.

The other man looked around as if he were expecting someone to turn up. Oscar half expected it as well, “Everyone will be busy with Valborgsmässoafton today. I suppose it would be nice to take a break.”

He still felt nervous as they started into the house, but he didn’t want to change his mind. Oscar was ready to kiss for more than just a quick, brief moment. He was ready to know what it felt like to have another person touching his body, but not just any person. A person he wanted to be with. He knew Filip had been with a woman, but never a man. That was still more experience than Oscar had. 

As they got near the door, Filip grabbed his jacket to stop him, “Are you sure you’re ready for me to be in your...house?”

Oscar was. There was no doubt in his mind right now that he was ready. It didn’t feel like enough to just say that though. Instead, he could only think of the poem Filip had said before they kissed for the first time two years ago, “I want to feel the bitter sweet sting of sex in my body and rest in the moment on flattery’s shaggy carpet.”

Filip smiled and he could see the pink on the other man’s cheek, “I want to feel how cunning works in my brain and how excess grips me and touches me with desire,” he completed the next lines of the poem. 

He tried not to smile too much, but it was hard not to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poem in the chapter is "Dödssynder åtrår ni mig ännu?" (Deadly Sins, do you still want me?) by Eva Ström


	3. Chapter 3

Otto wasn’t a fan of these gatherings. He was dragged to Valborgsmässoafton every year by his brothers. They liked to drink and sing and dance with everyone else in the town, but Otto just preferred to be at home. At least this year they were on the Gustavsson farm, which was a much smaller affair than the festivities that would be going on in town. There were still a lot of people, but none of them seemed particularly interested in conversing with him. Otto didn’t blame them.

He knew he was different from other people. That seemed to be a theme for his family. The three of them were different in different ways. Axel was a very kind man and understanding man when compared to most of the men they were raised around. Meanwhile, Oscar had a peculiar taste in romantic partners. Though he supposed it was no more peculiar than his own. Otto had never looked at another person and thought about them intimately.

Oscar had asked him once if he’d ever wondered what it would be like to be with another person, but he answered that he honestly hadn’t. He did like to get to know other people, so long as it wasn’t in a large group setting. Otto actually did enjoy physically touching another person, but it was more along the lines of holding and hugging. He had no interest in going beyond that. His brothers didn’t seem to understand that. Axel could understand Oscar more than himself because at least Oscar had some kind of interest.

The Gustavsson farm was nice. It was the largest in the area. They had a number of animals along with large fields for crops. Axel would enjoy living here. There would always be plenty of work for him to do. That would help to distract him from the fact that he was marrying a woman who didn’t want him. Otto understood why his brother was going through with this, but he didn’t have to like it. He watched as his brother walked off with Helga to talk to her privately. The celebration for their engagement would be happening soon. Oscar wasn’t here, but it had been put off most of the night waiting for their youngest brother. Otto wasn’t sure if he was ready to lose his older brother to marriage yet.

Not having much in the way of acquaintances, Otto kept to himself. Sitting quietly by the bonfire and drinking his sweet cider. He kept a watchful eye on their mother, but she was occupied with Helga’s parents. Likely discussing when exactly to have the wedding. They would be spending a lot of time here in the next few months to work out the wedding plans and the combining of their two farms. 

Most had little reason to talk to Otto. His father had used him as muscle. Most thought he was just some stupid meathead and they weren’t entirely wrong. He was taller than either of his brothers and generally the tallest person in the room. Most people only talked to him when they needed something. He was a tool. Otto didn’t really mind though. It was better than not being useful at all.

Otto was a little surprised when the girl sat down on the log beside him. She looked fairly average like any other girl he’d seen. The difference was that she was wearing pants. Her outfit was similar to that of his own and his brothers. Sturdy pants for hard farm work. A loose and light shirt to keep cool in the sun. Her hair was up in a crown braid and dotted with flowers.

He waited a moment to see if she would leave, but she leaned over and rested her self against her knees. She didn’t sit like a lady, but she wasn’t wearing women’s clothing, so he supposed it didn’t matter how she sat, “Can I help you?” he finally asked.

“Hm? Oh. No,” she smiled before taking a drink, “Just wanted to get out of the crowd for a bit and you’ve got the least occupied log.”

“Ah,” he nodded and turned his attention back to the fire.

It was a long time before either of them said anything again. Both just sitting quietly and drinking, but it had to end at some point, “You’re Axel’s brother, Otto, yes?”

“Yes. You know him?” his brother had been with a number of women. He’d made up plenty of stories over the years for helping his brother sneak girls from his room. He’d seen more than a few girls fixing the lacing on their dresses when coming out of the barn with him. Otto wouldn’t be surprised if she was a former lover of his older brother.

“Not personally. Helga is going to be my sister next spring,” Otto didn’t understand and he just sort of stared blankly at her, “I’m going to be marrying Edvin.”

“Ah,” that made more sense.

“We were supposed to be married this spring, but if we do, then Edvin gets the farm. If that happens, then Helga has to go live with your family and they can’t combine the lands,” which made sense too. He knew Edvin and he doubted the boy cared whether he got the farm or not. He wasn’t the most responsible. Like Otto, Edvin tended to prefer being told what to do rather than having to make the decisions himself, “I’m Greta, by the way.”

“I’m Otto.”

The silence returned, but it wasn’t awkward and Otto didn’t mind it. It was his turn to talk though, “Why are you wearing pants?”

She laughed, “I prefer them.”

“Do you think you’re a man?”

Greta had a nice laugh, “Of course not. I’m a woman. Do you know how hard it is to ride a tractor in a dress?”

Otto actually took a moment to think about it, “No. I don’t. I’ve never worn a dress.”

“Well, it’s not comfortable,” that seemed fair enough of a point. This was nice. Otto couldn’t remember the last time he got to talk to someone for any length of time that wasn’t one of his brothers, “The stars are nice out tonight. It’s a good night for an engagement.”

“It is,” too bad it was a sham. Axel didn’t want to be married and he was sure Helga wasn’t looking forward to it either. Otto felt good tonight and he wanted to think that the reason Oscar wasn’t here was that he was having a nice night too. He supposed two of the three of them having good evenings was the best they were going to get. 

“You don’t talk much, do you?”

“No.”

Greta smiled, “I suppose I can talk enough for the both of us then.”

Most people expected him to hold up his end of the conversation and were disappointed when he couldn’t. Otto was a man of few words. He didn’t have a lot to say, “I would like that.”

Her smile was contagious and he found himself smiling a little too, “Do you want to go lay on the hillside and look at the stars?”

That sounded nice, but he felt the need to tell her the truth, “Greta, I am not interested in…” it felt vulgar to say it.

Luckily, she picked up for him, “I’m engaged and I care for him, Otto. I really just want to look at the stars.”

“Why not ask Edvin?”

“Because sometimes the one we care for don’t enjoy the same things we do. Sometimes you need more than one person in your life.”

Otto liked that.


	4. Chapter 4

“Helga?” he waited for her to turn around. She was a pretty girl. Her face was round, full, and soft. Her soft dirty blond hair was in two thick braids and it was dotted with fresh flowers and leaves. Topping her head was a crown of wildflowers. She was about as tall as Oscar, but he knew she was closer to his own age. Helga would maintain her youthful features as she got older, which he knew most men would be happy with. Her pretty, large eyes weren’t enticing to him anymore though.

“Yes, Axel?”

The two women that were standing with her smiled and giggled a little. They knew what this was about. Everyone did. He could feel eyes on them all around. Luckily, he planned for the actual act of proposal to be private, “I wanted to speak with you. Alone. For a moment.”

Axel had not yet got to enjoy the evening in any way and he doubted he would at all. He’d spent the better part of it so far speaking with her father. The man gave his blessing and her mother insisted on using her grandparent’s engagement rings. It was fine by Axel to not have bought rings of his own, “Of course,” her voice was tense. She didn’t relent her drink glass to one of her friends. She wanted to keep drinking and Axel didn’t blame her.

He led her away from the bonfire, helping her over the logs and watching for divots in the dirt so she wouldn’t fall and ruin her dress, “It’s nice out tonight,” she commented as he walked them away from the crowd.

“It is,” he felt the ring in the pocket of his jacket. Axel didn’t tend to feel nervous about things, but he was feeling it now. He’d waited as long as he could to do this. He was disappointed that Oscar wasn’t here yet and he had noticed Otto had gone missing. He was doing this alone, not that he actually expected he could rely on them for it. It wasn’t as if he could send them to propose for him, “I haven’t seen Alma around tonight,” he’d expected the farm girl would be stuck to Helga all night.

“...she didn’t want to see this…”

That seemed to be the breaking point for Helga. She covered her face, dropping her drink to the ground, and started crying softly. It pained Axel to hear it and he tried not to look at her, “Helga, you don’t have to do this,” he said it like she had a choice. Her other option was to leave her family and be on her own. It would be difficult for her. 

He reached out and touched her shoulder a little, “I’ll...I’ll be a good husband. I promise. I won’t raise a hand to you. We won’t do anything more than what is absolutely necessary,” he hoped that when they bed on their wedding night that would be enough to give them their first child. Axel didn’t find pleasure in just bedding women. If he knew she didn’t want him, it wouldn’t be the same for him, “We can spend time at my family house to take care of my mother. Alma can come with. You’ll have time with her. I promise,” his brothers would keep their secret. 

She looked up at him and smiled weakly, “You’re a good man, Axel. You’d really do that for me?”

“Of course. You’ll be part of my family and I will do anything for my family.”

“You’re really something different, Axel. I hope you know, I won’t be upset if you have other women,” it was generally unspoken that most men would have other women when they went into town and drank too much. Helga was willing to allow him that without judgment should she find out. Axel couldn’t say for sure if he would take her up on that or not just yet. He was giving her the freedom to be unfaithful to their marriage, but he wasn’t sure if he could do that or not. It wasn’t the same thing as her. She had feelings for Alma. If Helga was unfaithful within their marriage, it would be for love. If he was, it would be for just the satisfaction of sex, “I suppose we should get this over with.”

Get this over with. Not that he had thought a lot about marriage, but he’d not thought about it being this way, “Yes,” he nodded slightly as he pulled the rings out of his pocket. He looked at them in the palm of his hand. Before he could ask if she wanted him to put it on her, she reached out and grabbed the slightly smaller one and put it on herself. He knew this wasn’t how it was supposed to be, but at least she wasn’t crying anymore. 

Axel slipped the second ring onto his own finger. It didn’t fit quite right. It was loose. It made sense that it wouldn’t fit because their marriage wasn’t right. Even the rings knew it wasn’t right. He pushed it as far back as it could go so he could keep it from falling off, “I’m going to excuse myself early tonight. I need to go find Alma,” his fiance abandoning him on the night of their engagement felt appropriate.

“I’ll come to find you before I leave for home in the morning.”

Helga nodded and she slipped an arm around his. They had to play a part for just a little longer tonight. She plastered a smile on her face, but he could see it in her eyes that she wasn’t happy. Her eyes looked cold and dead. He imagined that his face wasn’t much better. A smile was all their families really wanted to see. So that was what they would give them. He settled his hand on top of her’s as they started back.

The party seemed to have stalled for them. That’s what it was for, after all. The holiday was just an excuse. They were all just waiting for this moment. The minute they got close enough to be seen, all eyes were on them. Axel cleared his throat a little and looked around, “Everyone…” his words caught in his throat for a moment. He had to force them out, “Helga has agreed to be my wife.”

There was clapping and cheering. People surrounded them quickly and began their expressions of congratulations. He looked down at her to see she was smiling up at him, but her eyes were cast downward. He hoped she could keep it together for just a little longer. A few drinks and some talking had to be done first. He shifted to slip his arm around her waist to keep her close, but he could feel her body tense and resist. Axel leaned down to try to encourage her, “Just a few minutes. Let them have their moment and then you can go,” he whispered softly.

“I know…” she muttered back and leaned into his grip finally.

He turned his attention to the various people that came up to them. Thanking them for their blessings. He heard her friends telling her she was lucky because he was handsome and strong. Everyone seemed sincerely happy for them. It felt wrong to lie to them, but he told himself it wasn’t wholly a lie. They would be getting married and she had agreed to it. 

He wasn’t sure how long it went on, but he felt her tugging away from him, “I’m sorry. I think I had too much wine,” she smiled and placed a hand on her cheek, “All the excitement is getting to me. I should go rest. Thank you to everyone,” she didn’t bother to say good night to him directly or lean up to kiss his cheek as a loving fiance would. No one seemed to notice though.

Her father clapped him on the back as she walked off towards the house, “It’s going to be good having a real man for a son,” he knew the Gustavsson’s weren’t all that pleased with their own son, Edvin. The boy was nice, but he was soft. He seemed to have an interest in women, unlike his own brother, but he had no interest in farm work.

“I will try my best, Sir, to be a good husband to Helga.”

“Helga? Oh that, yes,” this wasn’t really about Helga. Her father just wanted the land from their farm tied to his family. They had good cattle and good woods. This wedding was about getting those things. Helga was a tool to be used to get the needed end results, “Before you leave in the morning, we will talk about the property lines and the cattle count.”

“Of course, Sir.”

The crowd slowly dispersed back to their holiday festivities and Axel felt alone. It had been a long time since he felt alone like this. Oscar hadn’t come and Otto had disappeared somewhere. He had no one to lean on. They always leaned on him for things, but he had no one there for himself. He wondered if he needed to get used to that feeling. Once he was married, he would be spending most of his time here while his brothers were back home. He was going to be alone much of the time. 

Looking around, he saw the jug of wine and decided tonight was a good night to drink himself into a stupor.


	5. Chapter 5

Things had taken a turn very quickly. Oscar hadn’t meant for it to happen. He just wanted to be with Filip. If he had known it would turn out the way it did, he would have just went to the party that night. 

Axel knew something was up, but for the first time in his life, Oscar didn’t feel like telling his brother the truth. When Filip’s family came looking for Filip’s older brother, he lied and said he’d been at the party at the Gustavsson’s that night. Axel had heard him lie and backed him up to the strangers, but confronted him about it later. Oscar had closed up and refused to talk. Axel told him that if he had done something to endanger their family, he’d never be forgiven. Oscar just wasn’t ready to admit what they had done.

It hadn’t been so bad at first. The kissing and the touching had been nice. Oscar felt alive and his blood felt like it was on fire. Feeling Filip’s hands on his bare body had been wonderful. They took their time, touching every inch of flesh they could. He didn’t mind letting Filip take the lead. When Filip finally reached down between his legs, Oscar knew for sure this was what he wanted. There was no doubt in his mind that being with Filip was right.

They took things slowly. Filip stopped anything he made a sound of discomfort. It took what seemed like forever before the other man was fully inside of him. Filip encouraged him with whispers of how wonderful it felt and how much he wanted Oscar in his life. Soon it was nothing but the soft sounds of them panting. Filip gripped and stroked him as he thrust. Oscar couldn’t handle it. The other man told him he looked beautiful when he came. Oscar had never felt anything like it before in his life. It was an intense feeling that he never wanted to let go of.

That should have been the end of their time together. Oscar had intended on leaving for the party once they were finished. They even cleaned up and readied themselves to leave. Oscar felt a little sore, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. He was love drunk and that made it easy to deal with anything. 

Or so he thought.

They had lost all their common sense during their lovemaking and as they stumbled together out of the house, Filip pulled him close to kiss him. Oscar didn’t resist. He melted into the feel of it. 

It was the gun going off and the shouting that snapped them back to reality. Oscar heard the glass shattering as a bullet hit the window nearest them. They both jerked and ducked down a bit as they looked around. There was more shouting as they spotted Filip’s brother standing down the long path to the road. Liam, that’s what Filip had called him. They’d been caught. It was one of his worst nightmares come to life. Even though his brothers knew the truth, he didn’t even want them seeing. 

They took off behind the house and towards the barn. Either Liam ran out of bullets or decided it was easier to run without the gun, but before he knew it, he saw Filip being tackled to the ground out of the corner of his eye. He skidded to a stop, kicking up dirt with his boots as he turned fast to see Liam pounding his fists down onto Filip. The fight didn’t last long. Oscar didn’t know what came over him.

It reminded him of the time they went hunting and found a young elk that had been left behind. It was limping badly. Otto had been ready to shoot it, but Axel said it was a waste of a bullet. It couldn’t run from them. Oscar took his knife out and walked up to it. He was going to put the poor thing out of its misery. It would serve them better for meat than it would be trying to survive the coming winter.

As his mind traveled to the young elk, but his knife hand went to Liam. The blood covered Filip below. The sound a man made was nothing like the elk. It was the sound of human death. Of a human trying to say something, but not being able to. A choking, gurgling sound. It brought him back and he realized what he’d done. Filip scrambled back, his face bloodied and bruising. Oscar just fell back and watched the life fade from Liam.

He remembered Filip screaming at him asking what he’d done, but Oscar couldn’t speak. He was just dumbfounded. He couldn’t believe what he’d done. He dropped the knife and tried wiping the blood off on his jacket. He remembered one thing specifically that Filip said.

_“He’s my brother, Oscar!”_

Their relationship had been tense the last few weeks since that day. They’d hidden the body in the woods, hoping the wildlife would take care of most of it. They’d burned their clothes and Oscar had bathed in ice-cold water a number of times because he just didn’t feel like he got all of the blood off. When Filip’s family came asking questions, he clammed up at first. Scared of what to say, so he just lied. They said that Liam had gone along Filip’s route looking for him that day because he should have been home by then.

“You haven’t said anything, have you? To anyone?” Filip always asked him that when they went to get the milk from the barn.

“No. No one,” not even his brothers. 

“Has my family come back at all?” it had been nearly a month and Axel’s wedding was going to be soon. He should have been focusing on helping his brother, but instead, he was worried about the murder he’d committed. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t meant to do it. 

“Just once. I didn’t tell them anything. I swear.”

Filip reached out and touched his face softly. Oscar closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, “Good. We can never tell anyone,” he sighed softly as he felt Filip’s lips against his own. They hadn’t made love since that day and he doubted they would get a chance to again any time soon. They kissed though, “I brought you something.”

The other man handed him what looked like a belt. It was a strip of leather with a small clasp. It was far too small to be a belt though, “What is it?”

“It’s for your neck. I thought you could wear it…for me...when we’re alone.”

Oscar didn’t understand, “Like a dog collar? Like I’m a dog?”

“No. Not like that. Just that…” Filip looked around before touching his cheek again and smiling softly, “...that you’re mine. You can wear it other times too if you’d like.”

He felt his cheeks warming up. To be able to wear something given to him by Filip was an exciting thought. It helped push away the bad for the time being, “I’ll wear it,” he reached up and started strapping the leather around his neck as they finally went for the milk bottles and crates.

Oscar had been trying to think of a way they could get more time together. Not just to do the things they had done before, but to also go check the woods to see what state Liam was in and see if they could hide the body further, “Axel and Helga’s wedding is soon,” he brought up as they started out towards Filip’s cart with a few of the crates.

“It seems like the Gustavsson’s are inviting everyone. Even my family will be there.”

“I have to be there for my brother, but afterward...it would just be a short ride to get home. Everyone will be at the celebrations. No one would be here. We could be alone and check on...things.”

Filip nodded a little, “I think that would be a good idea.”

“Filip, I’m really sorry,” he said softly.

The other man went silent and looked at his feet for a long time, “I know. We shouldn’t talk about it right now,” they were out in the open now. Away from the safety of the walls of the barn or his bedroom, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Oscar watched him start off and reached up to touch the leather strap. It felt a little tight, but not uncomfortably so. It was like how lovemaking had been. A little painful, but not unbearably so. Something he could adjust to and enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea for the "collar" came from this image I found of the boys:
> 
> https://imgur.com/pxtwhlp
> 
> Oscar has a strap of sorts around his neck.


	6. Chapter 6

Otto drank his coffee slowly before picking up a piece of bread with cheese and tomatoes on it to eat. He tried not to feel awkward about the situation, but it was difficult to ignore the tense whispers he could clearly hear through the cracked door. 

“I don’t want him here anymore.”

“Edvin, he’s going to be family in a few days and he’s a lot of help around here.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want him in our house, Greta. He’s here every day. He follows you around like a dog. It’s not right. You’re a young woman and you shouldn’t be spending your time with an unmarried man.”

It was hard not to feel bad about the situation he was causing. He liked spending time with Greta and he liked helping out on Gustavsson’s farm. There was a lot to do and it kept him busy. Axel spent a lot of time here lately too, so he could still be close to one of his brothers. He liked playing with the barn cats and he liked going to town to help Greta get supplies. It was just a nice feeling.

“Do you think he’s going to try to hurt me? Otto wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“He’s a man, Greta. Just because he’s slow, doesn’t mean he can’t do it.”

“He’s not slow, he’s just quiet.”

It felt good to hear Greta defending him, but he didn’t like that she had to. What Edvin said wasn’t anything new to him. Otto knew he wasn’t the smartest, but he knew what people thought of him. That he was some big, dumb giant, “He’ll take advantage of you, Greta. He’ll get you alone and he’ll force you to…”

“Stop it, Edvin! Otto isn’t like that. Just because the guys you drink with at the bar do those sorts of things doesn’t mean he does. Not even just Otto, even his brothers are better than most of those guys.”

“Don’t get me started on his brothers. That Axel thinks he’s just god’s gift to women and that Oscar...he’s _funny_.”

It wasn’t easy to hear bad things about his brothers. It was one thing to hear them about himself, but he didn’t like people saying things about his brothers. They were good people and they worked hard, “Oscar isn’t _funny_ ; you barely know him. And Axel has been working really hard around here lately. He’s done everything around here your father has asked and more. Maybe if you did a little more around here, they wouldn’t have to do so much.”

The silence that came after that was unnerving. Otto feared what he might hear. His father was a decent man, but he had his flaws. He’d heard the sound of a hand hitting a face before and he didn’t want to hear it now. If he heard it now, he wasn’t sure what he would do. It wasn’t his place to interfere. They weren’t family yet. The wedding wasn’t for a few more days. Even if they were family, he knew it still really wasn’t his place. 

“Just get out,” he finally heard Edvin snap, “I don’t want to see you anymore today.”

“That’s fine because I have to go to town to pick up somethings for the wedding for your mother. Otto’s helping me,” she stressed the final point and he tensed a little, “Maybe you’ll be in a better mood when I get home,” he flinched when he heard the door swing open hard behind him, “We should get going, Otto.”

He moved quickly from the table, avoiding looking back as he felt Edvin’s eyes glaring at him, and followed Greta out the door. He continued to follow her until they were a safe distance from the house, “I should go home.”

“What? Why?” she turned to look at him confused. As usual, Greta was wearing men’s clothing. Otto found her very interesting. She didn’t act like a normal girl. She was a bit rough and she didn’t shy away from hard work. She liked to talk too, which was nice because he liked to listen to her. Otto had never had a friend outside of his brothers and he found that he liked having one. She knew about hunting, which was one of his favorite things to do. 

“Edvin is upset at you, because of me.”

She smiled and waved a hand, “Don’t mind him. He’s just jealous of you, cause his father likes your help around here.”

“Jealous? Of me?” that wasn’t something he’d ever heard before. 

“Of course. His father doesn’t say nice things about him. Maybe if he actually did some work around here instead of spending all his time drinking at the bar, he might get nice things said about him too. He thinks you’re going to steal me away from him and without me, none of his work would ever get done around here.”

Otto felt his cheeks warm up. He’d never consider stealing Greta away, “...I wouldn’t do that…”

“I know you wouldn’t. You’re sweet, Otto. And I wouldn’t let it happen anyway. I love, Edvin. I know we fight a lot, but he doesn’t hit and he lets me speak my mind. I think if we lived in the city, he might do better. Farm life really isn’t for him. He talks about moving to the city all the time and getting a job in one of those tall buildings. I think it would be good for him.”

Good for him, but then Greta would move too. He couldn’t see her being happy in the city. Otto didn’t have it in him to bring that up though. Instead, he climbed into the cart, sitting beside her and letting her lead the horses, “Let’s not worry about it for now. Your brother is getting married in two days. We need to get a lot of wine and beer and get a cow from the Karlsson’s farm for the dinner,” the Gustavsson’s wouldn’t butcher their own cattle for it and it was a good reason to invite the Karlsson’s. 

Otto nodded a little they started to roll away from the farm. He liked going to town with Greta. People who would normally say rude things to her would hold their tongues with him around, “There are going to be a lot of nice girls at the wedding.”

He felt his cheeks warming up again. His mother had been saying that for a few days now. He remembered when some of the guys in town had decided Otto needed a woman. They’d all been drinking and Axel had gone off with a girl and Oscar was off drinking with some of the others. They’d pulled him aside and brought him to one of the back rooms. The girl was waiting for him and he got flustered when they left him alone with her. She tried to kiss him and touch him, but he found himself a little repulsed. He just didn’t see the appeal in it and the thought of it with a man the way Oscar preferred was just as repulsive. Otto didn’t see why he had to do those things. Why he had to find anyone attractive, “I know,” he’d paid the girl that night to leave him be and he’d yet to be with a woman.

“Don’t you want to find a wife one day?”

Honestly, he didn’t, “Not really.”

“Children?”

“No.”

“You know, I don’t see anything wrong with that. Sometimes I think having my life to myself would be nice.”

Otto didn’t want to be alone though, “I just want to take care of my family.”

She smiled, “That’s sweet. I bet Axel and Helga will enjoy you helping with the kids someday,” he did like the thought of taking care of his nieces and nephews. It was just the thought of having his own that was uncomfortable, “You’ll be a good uncle.”

Otto liked hearing that. It made him smile a little, “I’d like that.”

“And when Edvin and I have our children, you’ll be the best uncle for them too.”

“I’d like that too,” it felt nice hearing about having a growing family. He remembered when they were little and running around the farm and house at all hours. Otto missed that. He could show them all the hiding spots and then take them on their first hunting trips one day, “You’ll be a good mother,” she would teach her daughters and sons the same, which was something he was starting to think was a good thing. If more people were like Greta, then maybe Oscar wouldn’t have to hide so much.

“I hope so.”


	7. Chapter 7

Axel climbed to his feet, wiping his mouth a little on the back of his hand. He reached down and dusted the dirt and hay off of his pants as he moved to sit down on the hay bale. The barn was a little stuffy today, but it had been mostly cleared out for the wedding today. The ceremony would be outside on the hill near the bonfire area, but the food would be set up on tables in here later in the day for the reception. The girl laying on the hay bale next to him was moaning softly and squirming a little, “I’ve never felt anything like that before…” she cooed as she sat up and moved to stand in front of him, “My cousin is a lucky woman.”

“Don’t talk about Helga right now,” he commented as he reached down and started unfastening his pants. The last thing he wanted to think about right now was his soon to be wife, “I’d rather think about you right now,” he reached out and grabbed her hip lightly, tugging her down into his lap. She gasped and giggled lightly as she straddled his hips. Axel grunted a little and she let out a throaty moan as he thrust up a bit. Her hands gripped his shoulders and her head fell back a little. 

Axel knew this wasn’t right to do, but he hadn’t been thinking the most clearly lately. He went from a girl a week to a girl a night. While he didn’t think much about it, he knew it was most likely just his mind telling his body that once he was married he wouldn’t have these options anymore. The girls would still be there, but he wouldn’t be allowed to touch them. Axel knew that wasn’t the case. He could have them if he wanted them and they wanted him, but it wouldn’t feel right. It wasn’t like he loved any of them. Axel couldn’t see himself breaking his marriage vows just for sex.

“Never thought you’d be the sort of man that’s unfaithful to his wife, huh?” she managed to get out between a few soft moans.

“I’m not married yet,” that was his excuse. Not that he needed an excuse. Helga’s father, Erik, had seen him at the bar more than once and flirting his way into some woman’s bed. None of this was really about finding Helga a good husband. This was about land and legacy. So long as Erik got the farms together and Helga gave him some grandsons, that’s all that really mattered.

Her figures buried in his hair and he leaned forward to kiss at her neck. The only person he cared about finding out was his mother. Axel wasn’t sure he could handle her being disappointed in him. The stress of it would be too much for her health, he was sure. Luckily, she was busy helping Helga get ready for the wedding. 

Finishing up with what would likely be his last time in a while, since Helga had made it clear she would not sleep with him on their wedding night during a discussion they had a few days ago, Axel sighed softly. He fixed his pants as she got back to her feet and smoothed out her skirt, “Make sure you get the hay out of your hair,” he commented and she reached up to start fixing her braids, “And fix your top,” he’d tugged open the lacing on her dress at some point.

“It’s Axel, yes?” 

He wasn’t sure why she insisted on talking so much, “Yes.”

Axel didn’t see a point in conversing. He had things to do and had only taken the time for this because it was good for the stress. At least he’d thought it was. Now that he’d done it, he actually felt more anxious than he’d been before. It had been between going for this girl and an early pint of beer. He should have gone for the beer, “Don’t you want to know my name?” she asked as he started for the door.

“Not really. I’m sure we’ll meet at the wedding.”

“Suit yourself.”

Smoothing his hair back as he walked out into the open air, he tried to compose himself, “Axel!”

He turned fast to see Oscar. The youngest of his brothers had been acting strangely lately. He could tell that Oscar was hiding something. He just didn’t know what. It was a little upsetting that either of his brothers would hide anything from him. He’d always been supportive of them and willing to help them. The younger man had been skittish lately and Axel couldn’t figure out why. He assumed it had something to do with that milk boy. He knew Oscar had wanted time alone with him. Axel could only guess at what all that entailed, but he wondered if it had gone poorly. Oscar still spent far too much time in the barn getting the milk bottles than was needed with the milk boy, so whatever it had been couldn’t have been too bad.

“Where have you been?”

“I had to take care of something in the barn.”

He watched Oscar’s eyes flick up and he looked over his shoulder to see the girl slipping out and running off towards the house, “Something to _do_ is more like it.”

“I don’t need your judgment, Oscar. Not when you’ve been acting like a dog with it’s tail between its legs lately.”

The younger man narrowed his eyes, “I came to tell you that your _wife_ wanted to speak with you,” he snapped, “She’s in her room. In her wedding dress. For your wedding. Asking to speak to her husband.”

Moving closer to his younger brother, he set a hand on Oscar’s shoulder, “She’s not my wife yet. When you’re old enough to understand, we’ll talk about it more,” not that Oscar was a child. He was old enough to marry and have a family of his own, “And take that thing off,” he flicked the leather strap Oscar had taken to wearing around his neck lately, “Mamma will have a fit if she sees you wearing that at the ceremony.”

It wasn’t easy getting in to see Helga. The house was full of family members and friends from town. Everyone was milling about and doing things. People kept stopping him to talk about what a beautiful day it was outside and how great the wedding was going to be. Then his mother fussed at him about seeing Helga. Said that it was inviting a bad marriage to see each other right now. Helga insisted through the door that she had to see him though. That she wouldn’t be able to go through with the wedding unless she saw him now. 

“You look beautiful, Helga,” he said honestly. She was a pretty girl and both their mothers had done well at showing off her natural beauty. The dress looked almost white, but it was actually a very soft, pale green. The whole thing was dotted with both embroidered and real spring flowers. Her hair was braided thick with wisps floating around like the wind had blown it gently. Blue flowers dotted around the braid to match her dress, “I don’t think I’ve seen a prettier bride,” he should have been happy about that. After all, she was his bride.

“I want Alma to come to bed with me tonight,” her response to his compliment was cold, but he had come to expect that. Before the engagement, their limited interactions had been good. Friendly and warm. Since the engagement, she had turned to ice towards him. Axel tried not to be offended. She seemed to blame him for all of this.

“Helga…” he’d tried to be reasonable with her about everything. Axel promised her they would only be intimate once until the following month when they could tell if she was with child or not. He promised to take Alma and her to his family farm so they could have time together. He promised never to raise a hand to her and try never to raise his voice. Axel felt like he was doing the best he could given the situation, “She can’t come to our bedroom on our wedding night,” he said as quietly as he could in case anyone was listening outside the door.

“I want her with me tonight.”

“I know you do, but it’s our wedding night. We have to be alone in here. If someone saw her, it would raise questions.”

“We’re not consummating the marriage, so what does it matter?”

That was part of their agreement. Consummating the marriage would mean too much for both of them. If they didn’t go through with it, then they weren’t really married. He assumed Helga would put it off for as long as possible. She knew he wouldn’t force himself on her. He was holding out hope that she would be reasonable and see that if this was going to work, then they had to at some point in time. Not that Axel was looking forward to it. The thought of it was unpleasant.

“I understand, but…” he tried to think of a way to say what he wanted, “...it’s my bed too, Helga,” Axel was moving his whole life to the Gustavsson farm. Traditionally, the woman would move into his home, but they had decided to let his part of the now combined farm remain in the hands of his brothers, “Do you expect me to sleep on the floor at the end of the bed like a dog?”

“I don’t want to be with you tonight.”

“I know you don’t. We already talked about that, Helga. Do you think I’m going to change my mind and force myself on you?”

Her pretty face tensed up, “Yes.”

Axel was a little taken aback by the comment. He didn’t know what to say. It was an accusation that he wasn’t sure he could handle, “I’m a better man than that and you know it,” he hissed lowly, “I have never and I will never be that sort of man.”

She looked like she was going to cry. Axel didn’t know what the right thing to do was. Stopping the wedding wasn’t an option. Making enemies of her family wouldn’t do his family any favors and she certainly couldn’t be the one to call it off. Her father wouldn’t let that happen. They were both stuck with this. He didn’t want it any more than she did, but he wanted them to make it work somehow. 

Sighing, he walked a little closer and put his hands on her shoulders, “Helga, I’ll never touch you like that. We won’t even try to have children until you’re ready to,” which went against their original plans of once a month until it worked, “Tell Alma to be outside our window by midnight. I’ll help her in.”

“You mean it?”

He nodded, “Yes.”

“Axel…” she nervously fiddled with the lacing on the front of her dress, “I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it. I know you’re not like that. I’m just used to saying things…”

“It’s alright. You don’t have to apologize,” she was good at the work she did around the farm, but she was certainly used to doing what she wanted. He’d seen a new side of Helga since spending more time at the farm. She was, for lack of a better description, spoiled. She wasn’t used to handling tough situations like this. She’d likely hoped her brother would shape up and she could just keep on playing house with her little farm girl. It had been easy enough for them to run off during the day to get flowers and gather things from the woods, but now eyes would be on Helga to see what sort of wife she was being, “I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

“I wish...I wish I could marry Alma.”

“I know. We’ll work through this. It’ll take time,” Helga still had growing to do, but he supposed he did too. She was in love and he wasn’t. He had to remember to take that into consideration when she brought up things like this. He had to remember that he wasn’t owed anything from this sham of a marriage, “We both have a lot to figure out.”


	8. Chapter 8

Oscar was moving sticks with his boot and looking around the trees intently, but what he wanted to find wasn’t here, “Maybe some animals dragged it off,” he heard Filip say behind him. The other man was sitting on a large rock nearby, “It’s been a few months, there shouldn’t be much left anyway. Right?”

“There should be something left,” Filip wasn’t much of a hunter. His family just dealt with cattle and dairy. They didn’t hunt for things. They bought things at the market, “Bones or scraps of clothes. Something.” 

Oscar didn’t like how things were looking. He got low to the ground and started messing with the dirt a bit with the tip of his knife. Nothing looked like it was dragged away. He wished they had come out here sooner. They’d planned to, but things were more hectic lately than he’d expected it to be. It all started the day of the wedding when he was starting to walk home and saw his brother trying to pull a girl up into a window. He’d been roped into helping. 

Apparently the girl was his brother’s new wife’s lover. Part of him felt bad for his brother, but another part of him felt his brother deserved it for sleeping with so many other girls leading up to that day, and even on that day. He’d ended up staying with Axel in the barn that night to keep him company. No matter his feelings about the situation, it felt wrong for his brother to have to spend the night by himself. Otto eventually joined them and they both helped in getting his brother back into the bedroom window and the girl out before everyone could wake up the next morning.

Since then, it was a long process of getting both the families together and hashing out who would take care of what. There was also just the simple fact that they were both dreading doing this.

Oscar didn’t want to worry Filip any further. So he lied, “I think something dragged it off.”

“Really?” the other man sounded relieved. Oscar wasn’t sure how Filip could be so calm about this. If one of his brothers went missing for more than a day, he’d never be so calm about it. If he’d watched someone kill one of them, no matter the situation, he wasn’t sure he would be able to restrain himself, “Do you think it was wolves?”

“Maybe. Probably,” he lied more.

Filip hopped off the rock and walked over to him, wrapping his arms around Oscar’s neck and pulled him close, “Good. That means if anyone finds him now, they’ll just think the wolves got him.”

It was very unsettling to hear that, “Filip, he was your brother. I...I killed him…” he expected every day for Filip to attack him for what he’d done. Instead, he was met with secret kisses and touches. 

He closed his eyes are Filip touched their foreheads together, “He was going to kill me, Oscar. You saved me. Once he was done with me, he would have gone after you.”

Oscar knew that, but it still upset him. He wanted to tell his brothers. He knew what Axel was going through and he knew that Otto was spending more time with Edvin’s fiance. Filip was insistent that they couldn’t tell his brothers. He didn’t care how understanding they might be. He said they had to keep it between them, but it was hard. He heard the noises Liam had made in his sleep, “I could have pulled him off of you.”

“But then what? He would have got away. He would have made it back to town and told them that two faggots attacked him. You did the right thing, Oscar. You did,” the other man tilted his head up a little and leaned in to kiss him.

“Filip,” he moaned the other’s name softly between kisses. He groaned a little when he felt one of Filip’s hands slip along his neck and grip the back of the leather collar. They shouldn’t be doing this, but Oscar didn’t stop the other when he reached down with his other hand and started pushing Oscar’s pants open, “Filip…” he moaned again as he felt the hand pushing into his pants now. 

This was wrong. This was where they had dragged Liam’s body and left it. They shouldn’t be doing this here. Oscar couldn’t make himself tell Filip to stop though. It felt good what the other man was doing in his pants, “It sounds so good when you moan like that, Oscar. You look so beautiful when you do it.”

He felt his knees wobble a little and he reached up to grip on Filip’s shoulders, “...don’t stop…” he managed to choke out.

“We have to keep each other safe, Oscar. From everyone. You’ll keep me safe, won’t you, Oscar?”

It felt so good to feel the other’s hand running along his length. He closed his eyes and moaned more as he felt Filip’s lips close to his ear. Whispering to him and kissing at the side of his face, “Yes. Yes…”

“Yes, what? That you’ll keep me safe or that you’re enjoying this?” he felt a shiver run down his spine as Filip nipped his earlobe.

“B-both,” he groaned.

“Mmmm...my sweet Knight of Ålleberg,” the story of the twelve knights who died in 1389 was one of Filip’s favorites. He’d told it to Oscar a few times, “You were sleeping in that mountain until you met me and knew you had to wake to save me.”

Feeling his end nearing, Oscar gripped onto the other man’s shoulders tighter. Not that he needed to. Before Filip could bring him to finish, he felt himself being pushed towards the ground, “I want you, Oscar.”

It wasn’t as nice as his bed and it wasn’t the same as being in his bed. Before he could get fully on the ground, Filip made him turn around and get on the ground on his stomach. He dug his fingers into the grass and dirt, the scent of the earth filling his nose as he felt Filip tug his hips upwards a bit. This wasn’t as soft and loving as their first time. There wasn’t the feel of their bodies pressed together or the feel of Filip’s lips on him anymore. It felt good still. 

One of his legs kicked out a little, scraping against the dirt and sticks scattered on the woods floor as he felt Filip pressing up against his backside. Their first time had been uncomfortable to start with, but Filip had taken his time with it. This time, it hurt a bit more. They didn’t have as much time out here. One of his brothers could turn up, but worse, someone from the Gustavsson’s could show up. It would be humiliating for his brothers to catch them. It would be fatal for Edvin or Erik to catch them.

It didn’t take long for them to start panting loudly. Filip leaned over him and he groaned at the feel of it, “...harder…” he cooed.

But Filip just leaned over more and he moaned at the change in feeling as the other pressed so close to him, “Tell me you’ll do anything to take care of me, Oscar,” he heard whispered in his ear. He felt a hand touching the back of the collar, tugging it very lightly.

“...anything, Filip…” he moaned, “I love you,” the words came out before he could stop them.

“I love you too, Oscar.”


	9. Chapter 9

“Otto, I need you to stop spending so much time with Greta.”

He was surprised by the request. His older brother had asked to speak with him privately and this wasn’t what he’d expected to come out of it, “I don’t understand. Why?” 

Otto enjoyed his time with Greta. She was a strong woman and he liked listening to her talk. Greta was funny too. She made him smile. He liked that she didn’t push him towards women like other people he knew did. Even his brothers occasionally still mentioned that he might find a nice girl someday. They tolerated but didn’t fully accept, that he had no interest in that sort of thing. Greta did though. She said that no two people in the world were alike and so that meant there had to be people who weren’t interested in the idea of sex or marriage, simply because there were so many that were.

His brother pat his shoulder a little, “You’re an unmarried man, Otto and she’s spoken for. Edvin is going to marry her next spring,” he had heard a few times about how Edvin was upset that they weren’t married yet. Edvin didn’t care about the farm, but he wasn’t pleased about his own wedding being pushed off in favor of Axel’s to Helga, “It’s not appropriate and people talk.”

“But nothing they say is true,” he had heard Edvin fight with her a few times about how much time she spent with him. It wasn’t easy to listen to, especially when Edvin would bring up how he was worried about Otto taking advantage of her when they were alone.

“That doesn’t matter. We know it’s not true, but it doesn’t have to be true for people to believe it.”

Otto knew that, “It doesn’t matter if they believe it. They can believe what they want.”

Axel sighed, he knew his brother was stressed the last few months. He knew the marriage hadn’t been easy on him. No one in his brother’s new family seemed to care what Axel wanted or how hard he tried to make things work for all of them. Axel trusted Oscar and himself with his stresses. Telling them how he had taken to sleeping on a mat on the floor in his own bedroom most nights because Helga didn’t want him in their bed or sleeping in the barn on nights that Alma sneaked into their room so the women could have some privacy. He was also dealing with the whispers that were going around because Helga wasn’t with child yet and it was nearly the new year. People wouldn’t blame Helga for it, because her family had money, but they whispered about Axel’s ability to get a woman pregnant. Erik, his brother’s new father-in-law, has a horrible drunk and greedy, trying to push out their family and using Axel to do it, “Otto, please, just spend more time with Oscar. If I have to spend one more dinner listening to them complain about you…”

It wasn’t like Axel to say things like that. The marriage was taking its toll on his older brother and Otto felt bad for him, but he didn’t feel like it was a good reason to give up his only friend. Oscar wasn’t a better option anyway. The youngest of them had been behaving strangely. He barely talked to either of them anymore. He’d leave early in the morning when the milk boy came by and say he was helping the other man on his route. Otto wasn’t that stupid. He knew something funny was going on between the two of them. Oscar was spending more time delivering milk and out in the woods than he did with his farm work. Not that there was much to do since Erik convinced Axel to bring all the cattle to the Gustavsson land.

If he stayed away from Greta, that meant he couldn’t even work here on the larger farm. He’d have to stay home. Erik had convinced them all that it would be better for their ill mother to move into their more comfortable home here. It was less drafty and she could be with more people who could care for her. If he stayed home, he’d be alone until Oscar came home at night. Even then, the younger man usually closed himself up in his room right away.

“I don’t want to be alone, Axel.”

It was hard not to see the exhaustion and pain in his brother’s face. Axel didn’t want to be doing this. He’d married Helga because he’d been so sure it would be better for their family. For the most part, their mother was being well cared for and that did matter greatly to the three of them. If Greta and he could continue on as they had been, it would continue to be good for him. Oscar, despite his odd behavior as of late, he seemed happy. The only one that wasn’t was Axel himself, “You know that’s not what I want for you. If you have to be here, you should be working with me or spending time with Mamma.”

“Who will go with Greta to town? The men in town say things about her,” he heard the talk at the bar. Some said that if Edvin wasn’t enough to show her how to be a woman, then they might just do it themselves. It wasn’t always that either. Sometimes they said that if she was going to dress like a man, then she should be able to take a beating like one too, “The women too,” they whispered about Greta and gossiped about her, “They stay away from her when I’m with her,” they were scared of him. He was big and people weren’t willing to risk it with him there.

“That’s not your responsibility, Otto. It’s Edvin’s.”

“He won’t go with her,” and Otto doubt that Edvin would make a big difference anyway. He certainly never said anything against the men in the bar when they talked about her.

“That’s not your problem.”

“But she’s going to be family. She’s going to be our sister.”

“Only because I married Helga and she won’t be until she married Edvin. You just need to stay away from her, Otto. It’s not that difficult. Oscar is being reckless. You’re being reckless,” granted they were both doing so in very different ways, “Why am I the only one trying to make things easier for our family?”

“But you’re miserable, Axel.”

The other man rubbed his temples a little, “I’m not miserable.”

“You don’t come to the bar anymore and you don’t see women like you used to.”

“Because I’m married now,” not that Otto understood why that meant he couldn’t go to the bar to drink sometimes, “Can you please do this one thing for me?”

Otto didn’t want to, but he was used to doing what Axel said. He always looked to his older brother for how to behave and for direction, “Is that what you really want?”

Part of him expected for Axel to say no. That his brother would say that his happiness in finding a friend for the first time was more important than what his wife’s family thought, “Yes.”

He felt his stomach sink a little and it made his chest feel tight to hear that, “...alright.”

There was a small sign of relief that washed over his brother’s face for a moment. It disappeared almost immediately as he seemed to remember all the other stresses in his life, “Just until the wedding.”

“What wedding?” the sound of Greta’s voice made them both straighten up and they turned fast to see her walking through the barn door, “What’re you two doing in here?” she smiled as she walked closer.

“Nothing,” Axel forced a smile on his face. He was getting good at that. Otto wasn’t so good at it, “Just speaking with my brother.”

“Well, I hope you don’t mind me stealing your brother away. I need some help in town today. You up for it, Otto?”

He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to say that he was ready to go, but he could feel Axel’s eyes on him as he looked down at his feet. Luckily, Axel seemed to be prepared, “I’m sorry, but I already asked Otto to help Oscar at home for a while. Some rafters in the barn are rotting and need replacing,” it was a lie that would keep him away for weeks, possibly longer.

“Oh…” she sounded sad and it made his chest hurt more, “Well, if you need any help…”

“They won’t,” Axel snapped, “But thank you for the offer.”

“...I understand,” Greta didn’t sound like she did, but she didn’t seem to want to start a fight this morning, “I’ll see you when you have some free time then, Otto,” she smiled a little before retreating.

Otto couldn’t help the way he was looking at his brother. He felt betrayed for the first time in his life. He didn’t care what the men in town said about him or when they tried to pay girls to sleep with him. They didn’t matter to him. Axel and Oscar mattered. They were his brothers and the only ones he took into consideration with their opinions. That Axel had decided that his wife’s family’s opinions on him mattered, it hurt. Axel knew what they said wasn’t true. He knew that Otto would never do anything to Greta, but his wife’s family seemed to care so he cared, “Don’t look at me like that. This is for the best.”

“For you?”

Axel’s face hardened, “I’m doing this for us.”

Otto didn’t see how any of this benefitted him in any way, “I should go home now…” there wasn’t anything more he could say. 

“I’ll come by with Helga and Alma at the end of the week. We’ll go hunting together. You’ll enjoy that.”

He nodded slightly, but he didn’t say anything more to his brother as he left the barn. He looked up and saw Greta climbing into the cart. He missed her already. She was so kind to him. She understood him in a way that even his brothers didn’t. The wedding was over six months away. He was expected to stay away from her for that long. Possibly longer if Edvin wanted to make sure she had a child that was his before he would let her be around Otto again. 

Otto wasn’t sure if he could handle that. It would be different if he felt he could rely on his brothers, but he didn’t have that feeling anymore. It wasn’t fair. He shouldn’t have to be miserable just because Axel was. They hadn’t asked Axel to do marry that girl. He knew for a fact that Oscar had been openly against it to their older brother. He shouldn’t have to be punished because Axel didn’t want to deal with it anymore.

Looking over his shoulder, he saw Axel watching him. He should have headed towards his own cart, but instead, he started to pick up the pace towards Greta, “Greta! Wait!” he jogged quickly until he got to the side of the cart, “Oscar has help getting the wood. So I can come with today,” he smiled. He knew Axel was likely fuming, but he didn’t look back again to check.

“Really? That’s wonderful!” she laughed a little, “I’d hate to go without you. No one is as fun to talk to like you.”

He smiled more as he climbed into the seat next to her, “After we’re done, we could go to the bar and get some beer,” if his brothers weren’t going to drink with him, then he saw no reason not to go with Greta. He knew she liked beer, but she didn’t go often because it wasn’t safe for her. Otto knew he could keep her safe though.

“That sounds fun. The Karlsson’s dog had pups. We should go see if there are any good ones.”

“Yes,” he couldn’t help smiling about it. It was a nice, cool day out and Otto was feeling better already.


	10. Chapter 10

Winter was always the most difficult for families. For as much time as they normally spent together, it was even worse in the winter. There was less time spent outside doing farm work and more time spent in the close quarters of the farmhouse. Most of the year was spent preparing for these days. Making sure there was enough food, warm clothing, blankets, and firewood to get through the cold months. There was less physical work and more time spent keeping the fires going and keeping the cattle alive. Some handled being indoor almost constantly much better than others. In the past, Axel had been one of these people. He didn’t mind being cooped up indoors with his family, because he liked his family. His new family was another story.

Though right now he wasn’t too happy with his own family. Oscar had gone off the deep edge. Spending so much time with Filip. He knew his brother had let the milk boy spend the night in their home several times. While part of his plan in marrying Helga did involve giving Oscar more freedom to be himself, he had thought his brother would be smarter than this. He was practically flaunting it at this point. Otto wasn’t much better. The man had made sure to come up to the farm as much as possible to see Greta. Travel during the cold months wasn’t as much, but Otto seemed to been barely affected by it. He helped Greta keep the cattle warm and fed and even had to spend the night a few times due to the snow. It caused a lot of hushed fights with Edvin and Erik.

Axel had changed the majority of his life since his wedding. He worked himself until he was too tired to stand most days. It was the only thing he could do that kept him sane. If he didn’t work himself into exhaustion, then it left him feeling restless. He drank more, but he did it here at the farm instead of going to the bar. Getting drunk at the bar meant he might try to sleep with the girls that hung around there. Axel used to enjoy those girls very much, but they were off-limits now. It was his own restriction. He just didn’t think he could stand the sight of himself in the mirror if he broke his wedding vows for a drunk night of sex.

Today he was drinking in the barn with the cows to keep him company. It was still early in the day, but it wasn’t like he had anything else to do. He would go out tomorrow to see if he could catch anything to spare them from having to butcher one of the cows. But today, he had nothing much to do. He should have been curled up in the warmth of his bed with his wife, but that wasn’t an option. Axel spent more nights out here with the cattle than he did with his wife. Worse were the nights when he managed to help Alma sneak into their room, but he was unable to get out or get her back out right away. The women were kind enough not to do whatever it was they did together when he wasn’t there, but he would end up sleeping on the floor. Stuck listening to them occasionally kiss, sigh, and softly moan while he tried to sleep.

He barely left the farm anymore since the wedding and it was starting to affect him. He’d thought he could handle it since he usually did so well in the winter, but now that winter was here he realized just how long he’d gone without interacting with a wide grouping of people. It wouldn’t have been so bad if he got along better with the ones he did see. Father had always said melancholy was for women, but he was starting to feel that way. It was just this heavy feeling of sadness that never seemed to go away. He couldn’t think of anything to look forward to. 

For lack of anything better to do this morning, he finished off his mug and dropped it in the hay before leaning back on the bale and closing his eyes. Sleeping was a good way to pass the time. Since he didn’t get much time to sleep in his own bed, he did nap in it sometimes through the day when Helga was busy helping in the kitchen. Today, he didn’t have the energy to go back to the house to climb into bed. The hay was good enough.

Axel wasn’t sure how long he had been dozing off, but his eyes shot open as he felt something straddling his hips. At first, he expected to see that damn dog his brother and Greta had brought home. He was sure his brother-in-law was secretly teaching it to jump on him. It didn’t do that to anyone else. Instead, he saw a person sitting across his hips, and before his sleep and drunk eyes could clear up, he shot a hand out and grabbed at their throat. Their hands wrapped around his wrists and he heard a soft gasp of surprise.

As his eyes cleared and his head sobered up a bit, he realized it was a woman. She looked familiar. It took a moment for Axel to remember that it was the girl he had fucked in this very barn on his wedding day. It had been incredibly satisfying physically, but not much beyond that, “What in the hell do you think you’re doing?” he hissed lowly.

Axel should have pushed her off, but his body was already pleased with the pressure of another body against it. It had been a little over half a year since he’d felt something like this, “I just saw you lying here and thought you wanted me to climb on like last time,” she smiled. She looked a little different from how she had on his wedding day. Her hair was loose and hanging around her head, a little damp from the melted snow that had fallen into it outside. Her dress was heavier and fur-trimmed and colored a soft red to make her easier to see if she were to wander off and get lost from sight in a snow storm. Her cheeks and the tip of her nose were pink from the cold outside. Her eyes looked bright and clear. Though for the life of him, he couldn’t remember her name. He’d drank a lot on his wedding day and wasn’t even sure if he’d been introduced to her properly at the wedding.

“I was sleeping,” he still didn’t ask her to move, but he did lower his arms to his sides and kept his face stern, “What’re you doing here?” travel in the winter wasn’t common and he was sure she didn’t live nearby.

“Wanted to spend the New Year with some family,” she smiled again, “You might have been sleeping, but…” she moved her hips and he swallowed hard, “...I think you’re well awake now.”

“Don’t you have a husband you can go torture?”

Her laugh sent a shiver down his spine, “You’re _a husband_.”

She knew what he had meant. He knew she knew what he meant. She was being cheeky, “Get off.”

“Make me,” Axel sat up fast to shove her off, but she reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her body was pressed close to him. He could smell the winter air on her hair and just a bit of rosewater on her skin, “When’s the last time you had a woman, Axel?” she remembered his name.

“I have my wife,” it was a lie, but one he was starting to get used to.

“No, you have _a wife_ , but you don’t have your wife. I’m sure my dear cousin would cry if she were with a man.”

She wasn’t wrong. He’d been with Helga once several months before their engagement. It had been extremely unpleasant. Helga had insisted on continuing despite the fact that she had started crying. He had to wonder if it would be a repeat of that if she ever decided to allow him to try to have a child with her, “Don’t speak about my wife that way.”

“Why? Does it bother you to be reminded that your wife doesn’t want to fuck you?” her hips moved again and he held back a strangled moan as best he could. It wasn’t just the sex Axel missed. He’d enjoyed all aspects of intimacy. The kissing, touching, holding; it wasn’t just the sex. He liked bringing a woman to climax and seeing how much pleasure that gave her. Axel didn’t think he was the best lover in town, but he did like to think that he knew what he was doing with a woman and barring his own wife, he’d never had any complaints. Right now, he liked how close she was. She smelled good and she felt good. Axel wanted to bury his face in her neck to kiss the soft skin. 

“My wife wants me plenty,” he lied again.

“If that were true, you would be inside with her right now. Making her squeal. From what I hear, you’re good at making girls do that. I know first hand,” her fingers crept up the back of his neck and into his hair. He liked the way her fingers felt playing with it. It made his eyes close for a moment. It was very soothing. He couldn’t hold back the small moan this time, “But no one ever hears Helga squealing.”

Axel knew what people said about him. His wife should have been well into pregnancy by now or at least have been with child and lost it. Neither of those was the case and that fact hadn’t eluded anyone. His mother guilted him by asking if she’d see a grandchild before she died. His father-in-law said his wife had been pregnant the month following their wedding. Edvin even admitted to bedding Greta, which no one was surprised by since they should have been married by now, and that she’d lost a child just before his and Helga’s engagement. They blamed him in whispers.

“Don’t talk about my marriage.”

He finally put his hands on her hips. His mind was trying to decide what to do with them. To push them away or pull them closer. Axel wanted to do both, “Axel! Miriam!” the choice was made for him as he heard his name. He quickly shoved her hips away. Luckily, she didn’t fall back. She’d heard the shout too and had already started pulling off his lap.

“Helga, it’s not what it looks like,” he quickly defended himself. It didn’t matter that his wife bedded with another woman. She was in love and he refused to break his vows for anything less than that. He also had to keep up appearances. Even though Helga had told him before that she wouldn’t be upset if he were with other women, they both had to act as if it did matter.

“I fell. Axel caught me, but he fell back too. The hay bale broke our fall,” Miriam said fast. Her name now seemed familiar. He was sure she had been introduced to him between his glasses of wine, “There was a bit of ice.”

“Yes,” he lied with her, but he wasn’t adding to the lie.

His wife marched over fast and grabbed the sleeve of his jacket, tugging him away from Miriam, “Mamma needs your help. I sent Miriam out here to get you,” so that was how the other woman had found him, “I didn’t think she was so clumsy.”

He looked over his shoulder and saw Miriam wave playfully after him. He was glad it was so cold out. Without the warmth of her body against his, he felt himself calming down quickly, “I’ll see you two inside. I think I’m going to play with the cats for a little bit,” not that Helga seemed to care what her cousin said or did.

“Helga, I’m very sorry,” he said softly as they headed out into the cold. The wind was biting, but he was glad for it right now. The house wasn’t far away. It would only take a few minutes to get there.

“Were you trying to fuck her?”

“No,” which was the truth. He’d wanted to, but he hadn’t been trying to, “I was just sleeping when she found me.”

“And drinking,” he knew well enough that he smelled of beer sometimes, “Mamma says you drink too much.”

“Your mother also says I’m not enough of a man to give her a grandchild, but we both know that’s not true, now is it?” if she was going to be short with him, he was going to be short with her.

“If you’re going to fuck a girl, do it at the bar and not in my family.”

Axel hadn’t lied and he didn’t like that she was implying he was, “I wasn’t trying to fuck her. I haven’t been with any women.”

She stopped and they both stood in the cold for a few minutes longer than they needed to be. She was shivering and he was trying to keep from shivering, “I know. Axel, if someone else had seen you two like that…” it was one thing for even her father to catch him with a random girl in town, but it was disrespectful to go after one of his wife’s cousins.

“Nothing was happening,” which wasn’t entirely true. He was sure Helga had seen how having Miriam in his lap had affected him physically before the cold cooled him off.

“Why won’t you find other women?”

They’d discussed this before and it was far too cold out to be going through it fully again, “I’ve told you, I have no reason to break my wedding vows for anything less than love.”

“What if you never find a woman you love?” her face was red and she was hugging herself tightly.

“Then I’ll never be with another woman,” he’d already decided that Helga was unlikely to ever want to even have a child with him, “Come on, let's get inside before we freeze to death out here.”

“I’m sure you’ll find someone.”

It was a nice thought, but he doubted it, “I’m a married man, Helga. There’s no reason for another woman to love me. I have nothing I can offer her.”

“Love isn’t about what you can offer each other, Axel.”

He smiled and touched her cheek softly. She felt cold. They had to get inside soon, “I’ll take you and Alma to my house to check on Otto and Oscar when the weather clears up. Time to go inside.”


	11. Chapter 11

It wasn’t his favorite position for them to make love in, but it was the easiest when they weren’t able to remove their clothes. Oscar just preferred to be facing his lover and being able to wrap his arms around Filip while they were together. He didn’t like facing the ground and not being able to see Filip. Despite that, it still felt good.

Oscar had been sure at first that time together like this would be rare. Instead, they saw each other almost every day. Axel had promised him that marrying Helga would give him more freedom and his brother had been right. They made love almost every day and Filip even slept the night with him sometimes. It was a wonderful feeling and Oscar never wanted it to stop. He even started wondering if Filip would be willing to live with him. As if they were married. 

He panted softly and gripped the blanket on the bottom of the enclosed cart. It wasn’t the warmest place, but they made due. Filip didn’t have much work in the cold months, so they could pile up the blankets and have time to themselves. They could have stayed in his home more these days since his mother went to stay with his older brother, but Otto was still home much of the time. His brother wouldn’t try to hurt them, but Filip wasn’t comfortable with Otto there. 

His eyes squeezed shut tightly as he felt Filip thrust a little harder. He was trying not to finish. Filip liked it when they finished together. He felt the other man slide a hand up over his back and slip a few of his fingers under the collar around his neck. Filip liked playing with it while they made love. It made him shiver a little as he felt Filip tug it a little before he pulled his fingers from under it. Filip’s hand moved around his neck, cupping under his chin, and his fingers curling up his chin a little. Oscar tilted his head to suckle lightly on the fingertips he could reach for a moment. 

“I’m going to cum,” he finally heard his lover say. Oscar reached down and gripped himself tightly with his gloved hand. He’d tried to do this without the gloves, but it was far too cold for that. Feeling the fabric of the glove was much better than his cold hand.

The feel of Filip inside of him, filling him, was more satisfying than his own release. He moaned loudly and buried his face against the blanket as he felt his own seed soak his glove. His hips twitched a bit and he felt Filip grind against his backside, pressing their bodies as close together as possible. Oscar gasped softly as Filip removed himself. The loss of the other man’s body and closeness left him instantly feeling cold. He shivered slightly as he reached down to fix his pants back up. 

Filip pulled him close and kissed him hard. It warmed him back up as they curled up against the pile of blankets. They spent a lot of time like this. Oscar felt alive being with Filip. Axel could be as upset as he wanted about the way he was spending his time and Otto didn’t have to understand it. All that mattered was Filip, “I love you, Filip,” he said softly between kisses. 

“I love you, Oscar,” the other man moaned back.

“I want you to come home with me tonight,” he liked when Filip stayed the night.

“You said Axel and his wife were going to be there this week.”

He didn’t like it when his brother, his wife, and her lover came to visit. It meant he couldn’t wander off as easily. Axel would want to spend time with him because if he didn’t, then he’d just have to sit alone while his wife and her lover had their time together. He’d take Otto and him hunting and then he’d spend the rest of the time telling them both how reckless they were being, “Helga is like us. I’ve told you that,” he told Filip everything, even things he’d promised his brothers he wouldn’t, “That’s why they come to our house. So they can be together.”

“I don’t trust them.”

“You won’t until you get to know them. Helga’s a little spoiled, but she’s nice enough. If Axel got to know you better, he might not complain so much about me going off with you,” Oscar wanted Filip to be part of his family.

“I’ll consider it,” that was a better answer than he’d got before when he asked for things like that. Oscar was willing to take it as a step forward. He knew why Filip was nervous and untrusting. His own brother had tried to kill him. How could he trust Oscar’s family when his own had turned against him? It was a reasonable fear, “Oscar, you’d do anything for me, right?”

“Of course. You loved me when I least deserved it from you, Filip,” the other man had never once shown a lack of love even after what Oscar had done to his brother.

“I want to leave for the city in the spring. I want to start working on getting a truck and expanding my delivery area,” that had always been Filip’s dream. He was a good worker and he knew how to care for dairy products. He was a charming man and he was smart. He deserved better than what their small farming area could offer him, “I want you to come with me.”

Oscar sat up fast and looked down at the other man, “What?”

“Come with me to the city, Oscar.”

“Leave the farm?” and his family by extension, “I…” it was one thing to run off with Filip every day when he had the option of going home to his own bed every night. The furthest away he’d ever been from the farm was spending a night or two in town when bad weather came in suddenly while he was already in town. Being so far away would make it difficult to return home and see his family.

“Think about it, Oscar. We can find a home together. There are a lot of places where people like us can hide and still be together. I went last year and there are buildings where the landlords will take extra money to keep your secret. Everyone in the building is like us. We just tell everyone we are cousins trying to start a business together. We don’t have enough money for our own places, so we live together. There are women who pretend to be spinster sisters and men who pretend to be brothers. No one questions it. The landlords just act like they have pity on us because we can’t find wives or husbands.”

It sounded nice. A place where they could be around others like themselves all the time and be together all the time. But something about it didn’t sit right with Oscar, “You...you talked to them? You trusted them, but you don’t trust my brothers?”

Filip reached up and cupped his face, “People here can’t understand us, Oscar. Not even your brothers,” which wasn’t a lie. His brothers accepted that he was different, but they didn’t understand it, “Think of how wonderful it would be to wake up next to each other every single day. We could fall asleep together every night. We could get some cats. You like cats,” he did prefer them to dogs, “You could cook for me and I could try to cook for you,” Oscar was the better cook of the two of them, “We’ll get a bookshelf and fill it with all kinds of books. I can teach you how to read better.”

That all sounded wonderful. Oscar wanted all of that and he knew it was something they could never really have here, “That would be...wonderful,” he wanted to think he could do it. That he could leave his brothers and mother behind and have a life just with Filip. He deserved to be happy and this sounded like it would make him happy, “I’ll go,” he knew he should think about it more. That he should take the winter months to think it all through and fully. To understand what all of this really meant, but Oscar was love drunk. He just looked in Filip’s eyes and he wanted to do that every morning.

“It would. We can do it, Oscar. We just need to take care of one thing before we go.”

“What’s that?”

The other man pulled him down against his chest. Oscar nuzzled into Filip’s body and tried to focus on the warmth, “Pappa and Mamma won’t stop looking for Liam,” just that sentence sucked the warmth out of his body. Anytime Liam came up, he felt like death, “They blame me for it. Said he went out looking for me and went missing. They won’t forgive me for staying out so long that day. They won’t let me leave until they find him.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m not going to do anything, Oscar. You promised you’d keep me safe and you’d do anything for me. You need to keep me safe, Oscar. You need to make sure they can’t follow us or find us.”

He could hear Filip’s heart beating. It was going very fast, “I don’t understand.”

“It’s going to cost a lot of money to move, Oscar, and get settled. My family has a decent amount of money. With them gone, they can’t hurt us and we can use that to leave.”

“...I still don’t understand…”

Filip pushed him to sit up so he could look him in the face again, “You’re so beautiful, Oscar,” the other man said that often, but it wasn’t said the same way this time. It was said almost teasingly. As if Oscar were beautiful and that was all he was, “I need you to do what you did to Liam.”

His eyes widened and he pulled out of the other man’s grip. Oscar looked around fast as if someone were going to see them or hear them, “Filip…” his voice was low, “...you can’t mean that…”

“But I do. It makes sense. If they were to come to the city and find us, we’d be killed. You can do this to protect us, Oscar. No one will come looking for them right now,” which was true. People didn’t travel much in the winter. Filip still worked when he could, but his parents would stay warm and comfortable in their own home to wait out the winter, “If you do this, we can start a whole new life together, Oscar. Just us.”

He still had nightmares about what he’d done. It was nothing like taking the life of an animal. Liam wasn’t some lame dog that needed to be put out of its misery. There had been so much blood. It still made him sick to think about. He hadn’t used his knife for anything since then, “...I can’t...I can’t do that…”

Filip surprised him by reaching up and grabbing the small strap on the collar and pulling him close with it, “Don’t you love me? Don’t you want us to be happy? For us to have a life together?”

“Y-yes. I love you. I want that.”

“Then do this for me. My parents are old. They have lived. They don’t have many years left. You would just be taking care of nature. For us, tell me you’ll do this. Tell me, Oscar, that you will do it.”

Oscar felt like there were rocks in his stomach. He didn’t know what to do. His mind didn’t want to work properly. He wanted to say yes, just to keep going, but he knew he should say no. What sort of thing was this for a person to ask of another? This was wrong. So very wrong, “Filip…” his voice was strangled and low. He could barely speak.

Filip’s face softened and he let go of the collar, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t put you on the spot like that. Forgive me,” the other man leaned up and kissed him hard. He could feel his own body trembling. There was too much to think about, “We still have time before spring. Think about it,” that helped him a little, “Why don’t I come to stay with you tonight? Will that make you feel better?”

He was surprised by the offer. Filip had been so against staying with him while Axel and his wife were there, “It would.”

“We can make love in your bed. I know you like that,” he did. It was softer and they got to touch more. 

Filip smiled, “Let's go climb into a warm bed then.”

As they both shifted to climb out of the enclosed cart, Oscar felt extremely conflicted. He wanted Filip to be happy and he wanted to be happy with him, but the thought of taking another life made him feel ill. Oscar wasn’t a monster and only monsters killed like that. He’d killed Liam to defend the man he loved, but could he tell himself that this was the same? What would his brothers think if they found out? Was killing for love forgivable? Oscar didn’t know.

For now, he just wanted to curl up in Filip’s arms and fall asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

The snowstorm came on fast. There were always a few like that every winter. Most of the time, Otto could make it back home before it got too bad or at least to Gustavsson’s. Greta and he were making a rare trip to town. Most families had to do it at least once or twice in the winter. They just needed some things to repair a hole in the house that the snow had caved in and a hole in the barn wall from some weak wood. 

They stumbled into the bar and Otto managed to push the door closed against the wind. He shook the snow off his jacket and she was shaking it out of her hair. He was carrying the crate filled with the things they had bought for the repairs. They headed over to a table and settled in. She kicked her feet up on top of the crate as he pushed it under the table. They’d be here for a while, possibly all night. The bar was used to it. There weren’t many people here tonight. So long as they bought drinks and food, no one would care if they slept at their table.

He motioned to the bartender for two beers, “I can’t believe that snow. Just came out of nowhere,” she huffed and shivered a little as she tried to get the chill out of her bones, “We won’t be making it back tonight, I don’t think. We’ll just have to head out in the morning.”

That sounded fine to him. Once they got back, it would be up to him to do the repairs at the Gustavsson farm. Axel was back at their family farm and Edvin wasn’t about to do it and Erik was getting too old for some of it. Otto didn’t mind though. He knew Axel would be upset that he wasn’t going to make it home today to finish it and be back at their home. They were supposed to go hunting. Instead, Axel was going to be trapped inside with his wife and her lover without Otto to keep him company. Oscar might be there, but the younger man would likely be hiding out in his own room, as he was prone to doing lately.

Spending the night with Greta in the bar sounded more appealing. Axel was very down to talk to as of late. All he did was complain about how none of them listened to him and he drank a lot. It wasn’t the fun drinking they used to do together. It was just sad. Like the guy who used to come to the bar and sit in the corner by himself and drink beer after beer until he passed out and complained about his wife all the time. That man had died in one of these storms a number of years ago.

“Otto,” he felt a hard clap on his shoulders and he stiffened a little before looking over to see Casper Karlsson. They’d seen him a few weeks ago to get a pup, “How’s the bitch doing?”

“She’s doing good. She seems to like Axel.”

Casper laughed, “Of course she does. He always attracts dogs.”

“I’m sorry, are you calling my fiance’s sister a dog?” Greta spoke up and he tilted his head away to hide a smirk.

Casper didn’t seem to find it funny though, “Was I speaking to you, _fitta_?” he continued his insult by reaching over and knocking the beer glass in front of her over, “Beer is for men. Little girls get cider,” Otto stood up fast, “What’s wrong? Oh I get it, you’re fucking her behind Edvin’s back. Tell you what, you let me have her to keep warm tonight and I won’t tell him,” he laughed again.

Before Otto could throw his fist, Greta did. He stepped back as Casper stumbled and fell to the ground, the table flipping with him as he tried to grab it to stop his fall. Her spilled beer and his full one went all over him as he groaned, “Greta…” he looked at her wide-eyed. She was looking down at her hand and shaking it a little. 

“That hurt,” she cupped her hand and held it to her chest, “I’ve never done that before.”

“You...bitch…” Casper groaned as he started to get back to his feet. Otto threw his foot out and caught the man under his chin. He didn’t kick as hard as he could, despite wanting to. Just enough to knock the man back and hurt his chin a little. 

“What’s going on over there?!” the bartender shouted at them.

“Nothing! Casper is drunk! Knocked over the table and knocked himself out!” she shouted back and he smiled.

He grabbed up their crate and moved to a new table. Casper would be out for a while, so there was no point in trying to use that table, “Let me see,” he held out his hand and she put hers into it. Her hands were rough and calloused like his own, but it was smaller and thinner. The knuckles on the back of her hand were swollen and red. She’d put everything she could into that hit. She’d managed to knock him down. Maybe not all the way out, but it was impressive. Her thumb didn’t look so good though. It was bruising and she hissed a little when he touched it, “You can’t put your thumb inside your fist. You’ll break it.”

“I’ve never really punched anyone before. Did I break it?”

He turned her hand over, “No. I don’t think so. You got lucky. Don’t punch like that again. You do it like this,” he raised his free hand up and held his palm out straight and his thumb pointed out. Otto curled in his fingers and wrapped his thumb against the flat between his knuckles, “You want to hit with the widest part here,” he set her hand down gently before patting the wide portion of his knuckles, “The first impact should be with your first two knuckles. They stick out more.”

Greta was watching his hand and mimicking with her uninjured hand, “I asked Edvin to show me how to fight, but he said if I acted more like a girl I wouldn’t need to.”

“I can show you how to. Even a girl who acts like a girl should be able to throw a punch.”

She smiled and he felt his face warm-up, “I’d like that.”

The bartender brought them new beers and he sipped his a bit, “Greta...why don’t you act more like a girl?”

“I used to. I used to dress like the other girls and try to bat my eyes at boys to make them do my chores,” Axel had fallen for that a number of times when they were younger. It had never worked on him or Oscar, “But I didn’t like it. I didn’t mind doing my chores. Why does a girl have to act a certain way? I’m good at what I do and it’s easier dressed like this. Plus, pants are so much warmer,” he agreed with that. He’d never worn a dress or skirt, but even with adding things under it, he imagined there was still a breeze, “I’m plenty of a woman, Otto. I act like a woman because I am a woman. How can I not be acting like a girl if I am a girl?”

“I think you’re a girl.”

She smiled and took a long drink from her mug, “Acting is what they do the city anyway. I don’t want to act like anything. Acting is fake. That’s for people in the city who have nothing better to do because their beer tastes like watered down piss. I don’t want to act, I want to _be_. Does that make sense?”

It did make sense. Otto knew he wasn’t the smartest, at least that’s how he felt. People treated him like he was dumb, so he just assumed he had to be. But what Greta said did make sense to him, “I understand. You just want to be Greta.”

She nodded, “And you should just be Otto. Plus, I don’t think Greta acting to be a regular girl would be friends with you and that would be sad.”

“It would be.”

They sat quietly as they drank their beer. Otto knew trouble was coming when a few men stumbled from downstairs with one of the bar girls. One of them was Hugo Karlsson. He saw his brother on the floor and his eyes immediately went to them, “The hell happened?!”

“He fell,” Otto said calmly, “After saying some very inappropriate things about my family. You have a problem with that Hugo?”

The other man was almost as tall as himself, but he was a bit bulkier. His eyes went to Greta and her swollen hand, “Yeah. I do. I’m tired of you and your brothers. You think just because your brother got to Helga Gustavsson before I could that you’re better than the rest of us. That’s why he don’t come drinking anymore. Too good to hang around with the likes of us anymore.”

“Don’t talk about my sister that way,” Greta defended Helga. They wouldn’t be officially sisters until the wedding, but Greta had lived there long enough to say it.

“Or what, bitch?”

One of the other guys went to grab for Greta, but Otto grabbed his arm first. He twisted it and the man shouted. He swung the guy around by his arm and tugged it behind the man’s back. He pulled until he felt and heard a familiar popping sound. The man’s arm went a little slack and he crumpled to the ground holding his shoulder. It wasn’t broken, but it would take a bit to get it back into the socket and it would be sore.

Hugo was going across the table for Greta and she jumped up on the back of the seat, holding her hurt hand to her chest as she climbed over the back of the seating to get away. Otto went for the other man, but someone grabbed him from behind. He swung around and caught a fist to his own chin. It didn’t phase him much. When Oscar and he got drunk at home, they would get stupid ideas. Such as seeing how hard they could punch each other before it hurt or, more dangerous and likely to give their mother a heart attack, throwing hunting knives and seeing if they could keep it between the other's feet. Otto didn’t feel the pain that easily anymore. So he reached out and grabbed the man’s head and brought it down hard while bringing his knee up. He felt the man’s blood soak the knee of his pants. The man groaned in pain and fell to the floor holding his face. Blood seeped out from his fingers.

Greta screamed and he turned fast to see Hugo had hold of her hair. The braids were coming unraveled in his fingers as she struggled to get away, “Edvin’s bitch wants to act like a man, let’s see if she can take a beating like a man,” he rushed over, knocking the table out of the way, but Hugo hit her in the side. His fist connected with the side of her torso and she groaned as she tried to hunch over. Otto kicked the chairs out of the way and managed to get behind Hugo before he could hit her again. He wrapped his arms up under the other man’s and locked his fingers behind Hugo’s head, forcing the other man’s arms up a bit, “Let me go, you fucking freak!”

“Greta, are you okay?”

She coughed and held onto her side, “I think so…”

The bartender wasn’t interfering. He knew better. When fights broke out, it was usually better to just let them happen and clean up later. Fighting boys came back for drinks later one. If he threw out everyone who got into a fight, he wouldn’t make any money. The bar girl who was here tonight was just minding her own business sitting on the stairs.

“Can you stand straight?”

Greta looked at him curiously as Hugo thrashed and shouted in his hold, “Yeah.”

“With your good hand, curl the tips of your fingers into your palm. Then wrap your thumb around your first and middle finger. Like I showed you,” she looked confused for a moment, but then she smirked and nodded. She followed his instructions and stood in front of Hugo.

“You hit me and I’ll make you wish you were dead bitch,” the man snapped.

“Talk to her like that again and I’ll break your knees,” Otto threatened, “Grip tight enough that your wrist and fist won’t give when you connect, but not so tight that your arm shakes or your hand starts to feel numb,” a good punch was hard to do. Most just swung with no thought to how it landed. There was a skill to it. 

“Alright,” he watched as she looked down at her fist and he could see her changing how hard she was clenching it. 

“Most of your punch comes from your legs,” he ignored anything Hugo was shouting about. Hugo might have been wider than he was, but Otto was used to holding onto cattle. Hugo wasn’t going anywhere, “If your feet are too close together, you can lose balance or be put off balance by someone else. If they’re too far apart, your punch won’t be as strong. Stand right in front of him and put your dominant at a slight angle,” he watched as she adjusted slowly.

“I’m going to kill you both! Your brother can’t keep you safe, you sexless freak!”

He continued to ignore it, “That’s good. Make sure it feels comfortable how far apart your feet are.”

“This feels good.”

Otto nodded, “Good. Now turn your hips just a little away from him. Make sure you won’t have to move too much. If you do have to move your feet, make it more of a slide. Don’t let your feet cross. It makes you easier to knock down,” he watched her try to slide forward a bit, but she couldn’t seem to do it right, “It takes practice. Make sure you don’t have your elbows out. You’re not a chicken, Greta,” she lowered her elbow a bit, “And make sure to keep forearms straight up. Verticle. Up a little higher, to protect your face if you need to,” she even raised her injured hand just to make it look right.

“Like this.”

“That looks good.”

“Don’t you fucking do it!”

Otto felt good about this, “When you punch, don’t just swing out. You want to punch straight and bring your hands right back to where they started. Do it fast and with as little movement as possible. Now, move your hips a little when you punch. Keep your stomach tight and pivot your back foot on the ball and push your body forward. You want to feel control of the punch, Greta. Don’t swing your arm out too far. When you push off your foot, turn your hips, and extend your arm forward.”

Greta looked very stern. Her hair was a mess from where Hugo had grabbed it and she had a few tear stains on her cheeks, “Alright.”

“As soon as you hit, you bring your fist back and get back into defending your face. Got it?” not that he was going to let Hugo get at her again.

“Yes.”

“Good. Do it,” the hit wasn’t very hard, but it connected with Hugo’s stomach and the man groaned, “Can you do it again?”

“Yes.”

She wasted no time in punching again. Greta was good at picking up on things and she seemed to be doing well. It would take a lot of practice. He had many years of practice doing this and he wanted to get her up to his speed, “Do it again,” she went once more and he could see her sweating a little, “You did good, Greta,” he smiled before jerking Hugo’s arms back harder and dislocating them. Hugo wasn’t exactly put off by the punches much at all, but that couldn’t have felt good. Just to make sure, he threw the man down and caught his chin with his boot as he’d done to Casper.

“That felt good,” she smiled brightly, “You know, I think we deserve to sleep in beds tonight and not on these tables. She looked over at the bartender, “Are the two rooms upstairs free?”

The man sighed, “If you’re paying.”


	13. Chapter 13

Could nothing go the way he wanted it to? He just wanted to leave his wife and her lover alone in their bedroom while he spent time with his brothers. Just go out into the woods, enjoy the crisp air, and have a few days where he didn’t have to remember what his life had become. This time, it was mother nature who decided to shit on him. Oscar made it home safe, but he had that milk boy with him. They hauled up in Oscar’s bedroom the way Helga and Alma did in one of the spare rooms. He waited for Otto, but the man never showed up. That made him nervous. He hoped Otto at least made it to the Gustavsson farm.

That was bad enough, but he could have waited out the storm sitting in front of the fire and drinking and sleeping. However, things just kept getting worse. When he told his mother that he was coming to visit his brothers, Miriam had butted in. She asked to go with. Axel had told her no at first, but Helga’s parents had insisted on them taking her with. 

The woman was a pest. 

She claimed to want to visit family for the new year, but once the holiday passed, she stuck around. He found out from Greta and Edvin that she was a widow. Her husband died in an accident two years ago and she had no children. The marriage had been extremely short-lived and she wandered from family home to family home. It wasn’t as if she mooched. Her husband had been well enough off, but she seemed to enjoy bringing about a certain amount of chaos into their lives. It seemed like the goal was to get her out as soon as possible. 

Whether it was because he was the newest family member or because she had a sick interest in him, she seemed to stick to Axel. She was a very aggressive woman. He wasn’t used to a woman being so sexually aggressive. Even the girls at the bar weren’t so open about it. They flirted, batted their eyes, and giggled softly. Miriam just went for it. After the barn incident, she had managed to catch him off guard several more times. She’d push herself up against him and remind him of how willing she was to be fucked by him again. She was very good at getting him riled up and sincerely seemed to enjoy getting him upset. 

This trip was no exception. 

He was trying to relax in front of the fire. Sitting in the chair his father used to sit in with his with his feet up on the stool. A mug of warm, mulled wine. It kept the chill from his bones and he was ready to try to nod off for the evening. He could have made his way up to his old bedroom, but Axel was getting used to sleeping anywhere but a bed. 

“Mind if I join you?”

Her voice made him cringe, “Actually I do. I showed you a room, go to it.”

“There isn’t a fire in there,” he cracked his eyes open and watched her settle into his mother’s chair across from him. She was still wearing her coat, but she had taken off her boots as well and seemed to be warming up. Her hair was up in tight braids tonight and the fire made her eyes look bright, “I’d rather be in here with you anyway. You look good sitting there.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She smiled and sipped her wine, “You look like the man of the house. You don’t get to sit like that at my cousin’s home. It not really your home and it never will be, you know that, right? You look at home here.”

“Because it is my home. I was raised here. Do you get some kind of pleasure out of antagonizing me?”

“A little, yes.”

“Why?”

Miriam swirled her mug around and looked over at the fire again, “You don’t have enough fun. You never smile about anything. You should smile about something.”

“I’ll smile when you leave,” he snipped a little, “I’m a married man trying to take care of his family. I don’t have time for or need _fun_.”

Her laugh was surprising, “My husband…”

“Late husband,” he corrected.

“Yes. My late husband...he never liked having fun either. Or smiling. Everything was all about the family. Making sure the family looked good and behaved well.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.”

She shrugged, “Maybe not, but it’s boring and you start to forget how you are treating people. My husband enjoyed how…”

“Aggressive,” he added.

Miriam laughed again, “Yes. He enjoyed how aggressive I was. At first. Then he hated it. Then he tried to stop it. Through whatever means he wanted to try. No matter how bloodied or bruised it left me.

Axel didn’t like hearing that. He never understood how men could do that. He wasn’t sure what it was about making a poor girl lay on the floor and cry was appealing. He didn’t see how it proved anything to beat up someone like that. It was one thing to get into a fight at the bar, but fighting like that at home was disgusting to him, “I’m sorry to hear that. It’s a pathetic man who hits a woman or child that way.”

“It’s alright. I came out on top in the end.”

“Because he passed away?”

The smile on her face sent a shiver down his spine, “Passed away...yes,” it seemed they all had secrets, “You know, I meant it when I said my cousin was a lucky woman for marrying you. Of course I’d said that because I’d never had a man put his tongue there before,” he managed to restrain a smirk he felt forming. That wasn’t the first time he’d heard a woman say that “But she really is. You’re a different sort of man, Axel. You and your brothers. You’re all very...I don’t know...forward thinking.”

“Caring for your family and their happiness doesn’t seem so forward thinking to me.”

Miriam chuckled softly, “No. No, it doesn’t. But sometimes our idea of caring and happiness don’t line up with their idea of those things. I have to wonder though, who is caring about you and your happiness, Axel?”

As frustrated as he had been lately and the fact that nothing was going the way he felt it should be going, his brothers did seem happy. Otto was happy to defy him and continue spending time with another man’s woman. Oscar was happy to be so reckless in his love of another man. His mother was happy and comfortable in her small room in his wife’s family home. They were all happy. He’d technically succeeded. They weren’t thinking about the consequences of their happiness. Axel felt as if he had a plan in mind on how to get them that happiness, but they weren’t going about it the right way. They weren’t being patient. He was just waiting for the bottom to fall out and to try to figure out how to put it back together for them. Axel always felt like he knew what was best for his family.

“I can both care for myself and make myself happy,” he hadn’t expected her to snigger at that, “What is funny about that?”

“Just thinking about how you make yourself happy. I’m sure you have a lot of experience in doing that since the wedding. Just have to take it into your own hands. Personally, I don’t find making myself happy all that satisfying. It just doesn’t feel quite the same.”

Axel looked at her curiously. He felt like she was hinting at something and he just wasn’t catching onto it. He watched her face and noticed the way she was looking at him. One eyebrow cocked up and that sly smile on her lips. When he finally realized what she meant, he set his mug down hard on the table and got to his feet.

“Something wrong, Axel?” her eyes widened as he leaned over her chair. She pressed back into it and smile again as she realized he wasn’t going to hurt her. He leaned down close, their faces barely inches away from each other with him hovering over her, “If you ever get tired of making yourself happy, I’d be more than glad to do it for you,” he felt one of her hands run down his chest as he locked eyes with her. Her hand made it’s way to his pants and he tensed as he felt her fingers running over the front of them. Her fingers cupped him through his pants and he managed to keep his face stern despite how it felt.

“I was almost enjoying speaking to you. Good night, Miriam.”

Axel had planned on sleeping in the chair, but if she was going to be in there, he didn’t want to be anymore. She drove him crazy. She put him on edge and that wasn’t a feeling he was used to having. He was used to feeling in control and calm. As he walked away from her, he could feel how just her small touches affected him. He didn’t understand why she made him feel like this. Axel was constantly in some space between aroused and angry with her. It was exhausting.

With a sigh, he closed himself up in his bedroom. It was going to be a long storm, he could feel it.


	14. Chapter 14

Storms brought out the best and worst in people. Being holed up with the same people for days on end was really the best way to get to know someone in a way that might not have come out before. He was used to spending winters with his brothers and there was nothing surprising about them anymore. It was all the others in their childhood home that he wasn’t so sure about.

Oscar was concerned that Otto hadn’t made it back in time, but he and Axel both felt that he was safely at the Gustavsson farm. As for the rest of them here, Oscar was still processing some of it. He had thought that spending time with Helga and Alma would be a good thing. That they would understand him and Filip. Yet when he spoke to either of them, they became very defensive. He even heard Helga and Axel fighting in hushed tones behind a closed-door about it. Saying that she didn’t like being around Oscar. Apparently it was okay for Helga to be that way, but she wasn’t okay for him. 

As for the woman that had come with them, Miriam, he wasn’t sure what to make of her. She seemed friendly enough, but she seemed far more interested in Axel than anything else. Oscar caught her pressed up against her brother in the hallway. She had him pinned against the wall and was unbuttoning his shirt. She said something in a whisper to his brother and Axel pushed her away. Another time, he was going to speak to Axel and found him sitting in front of the fire and she was climbing into his lap. He watched Axel push himself back in the chair to try to put distance between them and he soon pushed her off his legs. He was surprised at his brother’s behavior. He knew that Axel had been bedding many women leading up to his wedding, but had cut himself off since the wedding. Miriam was eager to try to mount his brother, it seemed and Axel was trying his best to avoid it. It was a new side to his brother that he didn’t expect and he knew it couldn’t be easy for his brother. Oscar wished the woman would leave. Axel didn’t need the added stress.

Then there was Filip. At first, it had been nice to have his lover so close and so often. They saw each other nearly every day before, but not like this. The first few days were wonderful. Waking in Filip’s arms, making love whenever they wanted, and spending almost all day just curled up in the warmth of his bed. However, it didn’t take long for him to start finding parts of it bothersome. Filip wanted to talk about leaving for the city in the spring a lot and Oscar was having second thoughts. It didn’t help that Filip didn’t want to leave his bedroom if he could help it and he didn’t like Oscar leaving unless it was absolutely needed for him to do it.

“Where are you going?” Filip draped himself over Oscar’s shoulders and tried to tug him back into the bed as Oscar tried to stand. 

“I was going to make breakfast. Are you hungry?” Filip was better at cooking, but he didn’t want to spend the time in the kitchen and risk being around the others. Axel was the better cook of the brothers, but he didn’t seem up to cooking lately. That left them fending mostly for themselves. There were three women in the house, but none of them seemed interested in cooking for any of them. 

“Don’t go, Oscar. Stay in bed with me.”

He’d done that all day yesterday. They hadn’t left his room once. Oscar needed to breathe a little bit, “I’m hungry,” he didn’t want to be away from Filip, he just wanted to be out for a while. Even if they just sat by the fire today, at least it would be something different. Even if Helga and Alma didn’t like them, at least he could see other people. Oscar normally preferred the company of animals, mostly cats, but he did like being social, “You can come down too. We can have breakfast at the table with Axel. Maybe Otto will be back this morning.”

“You know I don’t like being around them. I don’t trust them. We should just stay here. It’s safer.”

“This is my home, Filip. Every part of it is safe. My family is safe. I don’t know how I can prove that to you,” he had been trying to convince the man for the past few days. The snow had died down, but it had piled up high and would take time to shovel out and melt away. They would be stuck here for another few days at least.

When the storm first started, he actually saw it as a good thing. Filip would get to be here and see how good it could be to be part of his family. Oscar thought it would be enjoyable. Maybe Axel could start to understand more if he got to know Filip. That had been his goal when he realized they would be stuck here for a while. Sadly, it was not going that way at all. The only ones in the house who seem to be having any enjoyment were the women.

“Family doesn’t mean safety, Oscar. They don’t really understand us. You know that” he still had nightmares about Liam, “The only ones we can really trust are each other.”

“And the man who owns that building in the city that you told about us and those men and women who live there? You will trust complete strangers, but you won’t trust the two people I ask you to trust? Axel and Otto may never understand us...but Axel has been here with us for days. If he wanted to hurt us, he could have done so by now. If you get hungry, you should come downstairs.”

Before Filip could say anything else, he pulled away from the other man’s hands and climbed to his feet. He pulled his shirt on and left the room. Oscar wanted to keep spending time with Filip, but it was just too much sometimes. Especially at night, after they made love when Filip would whisper to him asking if he would do what needed to be done. If he made sure they were safe. If Oscar would be his knight and keep him safe by any means needed.

Thinking about it was enough to put him off his appetite, but he continued on towards the kitchen anyway. He had moments when he felt like he could do it. When he thought about how happy it would make Filip and how good of life it could give them. But then he remembered that it would make him a killer. He kept telling himself that he wasn’t a killer. What he’d done to Liam didn’t make him a killer. Oscar wanted to believe that. If he did this, how could he ever look at his brothers or Filip in the eyes again? If he did it, he might do it again. Oscar was scared of that.

The smell of coffee hit his nose and he cringed inwardly a little. Axel was already in the kitchen. That meant Axel had made the coffee. His brother’s coffee tasted like dirt, but he supposed it was better than nothing. He expected to round the corner and see a table of burnt toast, overcooked porridge, and coffee that tasted like warm mud. 

Instead, Oscar was pleasantly surprised to see the table was covered with smörgås, kefir, coffee, and knäckebröd. The sandwiches were laid out with little plates of hard cheese, the last of the tomatoes, and ham. He found his appetite again looking at it. This was not Axel’s doing. Of the three of them, Axel was the better cook, but that wasn’t saying much. It certainly wasn’t Otto’s doing either. Axel was sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee with a plate of knäckebröd and jam in front of him. The crisp little cracker-like pieces of bread weren’t burnt at all. A sure sign that this wasn’t Axel’s work. 

He settled down at the table and looked at his brother curiously, “Who made this? Was it Helga?”

Axel rolled his eyes and sipped his coffee for a moment, “No. My wife doesn’t do much cooking.”

Before he could ask who it was again, the kitchen door that lead outside burst open for a moment. Cold air rushed in and he shivered a little as it quickly slammed shut. Miriam had an apron with a few eggs in cupped in it and she was shaking snow from her hair with her free hand, “The chickens are still alive, so that’s good,” she said with a smile, “Oh, Oscar, good morning,” she seemed a little different this morning, “Would you two like eggs this morning?”

Oscar watched her as she set the eggs into a bowl on the counter and went to warm herself for a moment by the stove. His eyes went back to his brother, “Two would be nice,” his brother finally spoke up.

Miriam walked behind Axel and ran her fingers along the back of his shoulders, “Coming right up. Any for you, Oscar?”

“Uh...no. No thank you.”

“Suit yourself. These will probably be the last until spring.”

He watched as she went about getting things together to make eggs for his brother. Oscar leaned across the table a bit and whispered to Axel, “Did you fuck her last night?” he didn’t know Miriam very well, but he had seen her trying to sleep with Axel a number of times. She seemed aggressive. Oscar wasn’t used to seeing a woman that way. So to see her walking about the kitchen, smiling sweetly, and cooking; it didn’t look natural for her. The only thing he could think of was that Axel must have caved in and given her what she wanted. 

Not that he didn’t think Axel didn’t want it. He knew his brother well enough. If Axel didn’t want her, he wouldn’t entertain her for as long as he did. He wouldn’t get pinned up against walls or let her settle down into his lap if he didn’t want her. It was fairly obvious that his brother wanted her and she was driving him crazy. 

Axel’s look told him before he even said it, “No. I’m married.”

He had to keep from snorting a little at that. Helga was married too, but that didn’t stop her from spending time between Alma’s thighs. He had heard the two women at night and wondered a little exactly what they did. He knew how it worked with Filip, but he was actually a little curious about how two women did things, “Then why is she being so...nice?”

“Haven’t a clue.”

He sat back in his chair as Miriam came over and set a plate down in front of Axel before taking a seat for herself, “Sleep well, Oscar?”

“Uh, yes,” he wasn’t sure what to say to her, so he grabbed a plate and started putting food into his mouth. 

“I keep hoping to meet that friend of yours, but he never seems to come down. He seems nice,” she commented about Filip, “My husband…”

“Late husband…” Axel added from behind his coffee cup.

“Yes. My late husband, he wasn’t much for tending to animals, so he hired these two stable boys to take care of things. The guest house had two bedrooms for them. My husband…”

“Late husband…” his brother added again.

“Yes. My late husband, he wasn’t one for going to check on things, so I usually went down to make sure things were okay and tidy. Funny, they only seemed to ever be using one of the bedrooms. My husband…”

“Late husband…” Oscar was sure there was some reason his brother felt the need to keep correcting her, but he hadn’t a clue what it could be.

“Yes. My late husband, he never seemed to notice. Why should he? After all, two stable boys living near the stables they looked after wasn’t so strange. I always wondered why more milk delivery men don’t live where the milk comes from. I don’t think anyone would think that was strange if it happened.”

Oscar stared down at his plate. He didn’t know what to say. He understood what she was implying. He didn’t feel comfortable discussing it with the likes of a woman he had only met a few days ago, “I should take some breakfast up to Filip…” he said softly. He quickly started making a small pile on a plate and trying not to spill it as he got up from the table.

“Hope you will both join us for supper. I’m making kalops tonight,” it was a simple stew, but it was one of his favorites.

He wouldn’t make any promises as he made his way back up to his bedroom. Filip was sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed, and looking sadly at him, “I brought you some breakfast. Miriam made it, so it’s edible.”

“I’m sorry for what I said this morning,” Filip always apologized later on. Sometimes it was a few minutes later and sometimes it was at the end of the day, but he always apologized eventually, “I know you trust your brothers. It’s not easy for me to trust them,” as hard as it had been for Oscar with the memories of killing Liam, he knew Filip likely had nightmares about what it was like to see his own brother standing above him with such hate and anger in his eyes. Oscar couldn’t imagine what they had to feel like.

“I know,” he picked up one of Filip’s hands and pressed it to his cheek, “But you trust me.”

“I do. I love you, Oscar. Let me make it up to you,” he felt Filip’s lips on his ear lobe before moving down to his neck. This was how they usually made up. Kissing and making love. Then they would sleep for a little while and then they would have another small fight and start over again. It hadn’t felt like a bad way to live when they were spending the nights apart and occasionally not seeing each other on some days, but these days in a row showed Oscar how tiring it was. 

“Filip...wait…” he said softly as he felt the other’s fingers already working the front of his pants open.

“What’s wrong?” the other man whispered back, his kissing continuing.

“I don’t want to do this right now.”

“Why not?”

Oscar swallowed hard. If they did this, then they would just fight again later. Oscar was tired of fighting. His mind and body both felt exhausted. If he had to keep this up for another three or more days, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep his sanity intact, “I want us to rest today because I want us to go downstairs for supper tonight. Miriam said she’s making kalops. I want to have supper with my brother and with you.”

Filip pulled away and hunched over a little, “...”

“Please. Filip, if you loved me, you’d do this. I’m ready to leave and give up my family to go to the city with you,” he hadn’t decided if he could go through with the other part of it that Filip wanted, but he did find the idea of living together nice, “I just want you to have supper with my brother,” he would prefer if both of his brothers were here, but perhaps one at a time was a better option.

The other man sighed lightly, “This is what you want?”

“It is. Please, Filip.”

“...very well…for you."


	15. Chapter 15

“Otto,” he had been making his way towards the stairs when he heard his name. He turned his head to see the bartender calling out to him. Otto looked at the old man curiously, “Come here. I need to speak with you.”

Theo’s family had been running this bar for as long as Otto could remember. His own children took care of it most of the time these days, but he still came in from time to time. He was a good man and he didn’t mind when the guys got a little rough after a few rounds, “Something wrong?”

“I need you and Greta to leave.”

Otto was surprised by that, “Did we do something? We’ve paid,” the storm was starting to let up, but the snow was piled high and it was still unsafe to travel. Even though the Karlsson boys were stuck here too, there hadn’t been another fight. They kept their distance from each other. 

The old man looked around a bit before leaning over the bartop, “You’re a good boy, Otto. Your father raised you and your brothers right. You boys never start fights,” though they certainly finished plenty, “And you always pay your tabs.”

“Then why do Greta and I have to leave? It’s not safe enough outside yet.”

“Because…” Theo looked around again, “...you’ll be safer dealing with the snow than you will be here.”

“I don’t understand. Why?”

“I heard the Karlsson boys talking last night after you and Greta went to bed. They want to hurt Greta for what you two did. They’re embarrassed,” it was obvious that Hugo and Casper weren’t over being hit by a woman. If it had just been Otto, they all would have been drinking again the next night and laughing together. That was just how it was, but Greta wasn’t one of them. Even though Otto had held Hugo for her, she had still been the one hitting him, “The lot of them are going to gang up on the two of you.”

Normally, Otto wouldn’t see an issue with that. He’d fought plenty of guys at once, but this was different. He had to watch out for Greta. She didn’t know how to fight. He’d have to keep her safe. If they were planning this, then they wouldn’t be getting drunk first. They’d be clear-headed. That meant they wouldn’t go down so easily. He didn’t want to imagine what they planned to do to Greta. He had no doubt that their initial plan would be to rough her up, but he knew how things went. Once they had her alone, they’d have no reason to stop. Otto couldn’t let that happen.

“Thank you for telling me.”

Theo nodded, “I don’t like the way the boys treat some of the girls, but they say they don’t mind so long as the boys pay. I don’t think Greta will say the same.”

Otto made his way quickly up the stairs this time, closing and locking the door behind him as he went into their shared room. They had taken two rooms the first night but moved to just one after that so others could use the extra room. Otto slept on the floor and he made Greta take the bed. She was relaxing on the bed with her feet up and her eyes closed when he came in, “We have to leave.”

He started gathering their things and shoving them into his pack as she sat up and looked at him strangely, “What?”

“We have to go back to the farm,” it didn’t matter if it was the Gustavsson or his own. They just had to get to one of them.

“Otto, there is at least two feet of snow out there.”

“We’ll be fine. I will shovel as we go,” she didn’t go for her bag, so he picked it up and started putting things in it, “We have to go now.”

“There is no way the horses will make it,” she kept trying to defend not leaving. He agreed with her. It wasn’t a good time to leave, but there were worse things that could happen. Otto would have been happy to stay here and wait it out for as long as it took. He was enjoying his days and nights with Greta. She talked more than he did, but they both talked a lot. He felt almost closer to her than he did with his brothers. Greta had even offered for him to move in with her and Edvin if he wanted to be closer to his mother. While he would have liked to accept, he knew that Edvin wasn’t going to let it happen.

“We will walk then.”

She laughed but stopped when she realized he wasn’t laughing too, “You’re being insane. We’ll never make it. If we’re lucky, we’ll lose our toes. But I don’t think we’re that lucky.”

“We have to go,” he walked over and shoved her bag towards her, “Now.”

“Otto...why are you acting like this?”

The words caught in his throat. He’d never said these sorts of things before and he didn’t want to now, but he’d never be able to carry her struggling through the snow, “They’re going to beat you and...and rape you.”

Her eyes went wide, “W-what?”

“The Karlsson’s are going to hurt you, Greta. Because I made you punch Hugo,” he looked down at his feet. He felt guilty. He’d told her to punch the other man. He could have knocked Hugo out himself. That was the right thing to do. Just put the man on his ass so they could drink again tomorrow. He was the one who had got Greta involved.

“Otto, no. You didn’t make me do that. I wanted to do it,” she reached up and touched his cheek softly, “You treated me the way you would have treated your brothers. Like I was one of your family. I wanted to do it. I didn’t have to.”

Before he could say anything more, the door rattled hard, “Open the door! We have business with that bitch!” it was one of the Karlsson boys.

Otto looked around fast. He had to think of something, “Out the window,” he wasn’t one to run from a fight normally, but this was different. The space was too small and he would be too outnumbered. 

He went for the window and pushed it open. Cold air rushed in and he looked out. There was snow everywhere. They were on the second story, but there was enough snow piled up to cushion their falls. It was only Greta’s fall he was worried about. He’d fallen out of these windows before, “I’ll hold your hands and drop you as gently as I can.”

“I trust you,” she said softly as she started to swing her legs out. The door rattled harder and he heard someone throw themself against it. He helped lower her down as far as he could. She was dangling over a snow pile, “Let go,” she told him and he did. She dropped with a gasp and he watched as she rolled to get off the snow pile. Once he was sure she was alright, he started to climb out.

The weak lock on the door finally gave out and the room door busted open. Otto didn’t bother to look back as he heard shouting and jumped from the window. His landing was much harder than Greta’s. He went through the pile and felt himself hit the ground. It hurt, but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle, “Come on, Otto,” he heard her and felt her tugging on his arm. 

The cold wasn’t so bad at first. It was just the wind that stung his eyes as they started trudging through the snow. He hoped coming outside would be enough to stop the Karlsson’s. That they didn’t care enough to chase.

What he didn’t count on were the bullets. The sound of the gun going off in the snowy weather was strange. It was like the snow absorbed the sound and he had to pay extra attention to the clicking sounds of the guns. Greta ducked down and he crowded over her. She tried to stop, but he kept pushing her forward, “Don’t stop. We have to keep moving.”

“It’s cold,” he could feel her shivering as he tried to hunch over her. 

They didn’t get farther than the stables. If he thought the horses would help, he would have tried to grab one, but he knew it wouldn’t be any faster. If anything, they would have to take care of the animal. It was easier to just focus on themselves, “Keep going, Greta.”

“Freak!” he didn’t hear anything coming until it was too late to put his guard up. Someone tackled him and he went face first down into the snow and ice. 

“Otto!” but she wasn’t calling out because she was concerned for him. Hugo and another man had Greta and were dragging her through the snow towards the stable. She thrashed and kicked, but one had her by the throat and the other had her by the hair. 

“You should stay out of this,” Casper snapped as he started to climb to his feet.

He charged at Casper, throwing both of them to the ground. His fist connected with the other man’s face a few times until he heard the scream. It was enough to let Casper catch him off guard again. The other man threw him off and back into the snow.

The sharp pain he felt was new. He was used to the pains of farming and hunting. Those were nothing new to him. But this feeling was new. It felt cold at first, but the pain became hot very quickly. He felt liquid running down the right side of his face and blocking his eyesight. His unblocked eye saw the red staining the snow. Something buried in the snow had cut his face. It was a deep cut, he could tell that already. 

Otto thought fast. Casper rushed at him again and instead of trying to move out of the way, he grabbed the man’s head and threw it down into whatever he’d fallen on. Casper’s body twitched and then went limp. Otto didn’t pay much mind to it as he scrambled to his feet and went for the stables.

While nothing he saw would have been good, he was almost glad to see that they were still trying to beat her for what she’d done to Hugo and hadn’t tried to move on from that. One guy each held one of her arms out wide and she kept trying to kick with her feet, but they were holding her off the ground and she couldn’t get any force behind her kicks. Hugo reared back and threw his fist into her gut. She curled her legs up and started crying.

Otto ran up and grabbed Hugo just as the other men were telling him to watch out. His punch missed. His eye was covered in cold, caking blood. He could feel it starting to freeze to his face, “Kill that bitch,” he heard Hugo snap and he heard Greta scream again and the sound of feet kicking and dragging against the ground.

“No!” he’d never felt this angry before in his life.

Otto wasn’t prone to violence. Most of the bar fights he got into were of the playful sort. Nothing meaningful. He liked hunting, but mostly just the tracking part. He tended to be the more caretakerly of the three of them. He helped their mother with cleaning and household chores. Mother called him a gentle giant.

He wasn’t sure what came over him. It was like he wasn’t even the one doing it. Like he was watching someone else do it. His hand grabbed the first thing it could reach. A hoof pick hanging on the wall. He grabbed it and swung it hard at Hugo. It connected with the side of the man’s head and he didn’t even wait to see what happened to Hugo. He just yanked the hook free and went after Greta.

The two men holding her seemed to forget about her as he came towards them. They dropped her down and went towards him. The first one, he brought the pick down with a hard swing at the top of their head. They made a strange sound before he yanked it free. Their body went limp on the ground. The last man tried to run past him, having decided the fight was no longer worth it. Otto’s free hand shot out and he grabbed the man by the throat.

“Otto...don’t…” he groaned, but Otto just squeezed until the man stopped fighting. His body slumped to the ground when Otto finally released it.

“Greta, are you okay?” he asked as he went over to her. She was curled up on the ground and there were tears on her face, “Greta…”

“Otto…” she finally groaned out. She cracked her eyes open to look up at him.

“Can you stand?”

He jerked at the sound of another voice, “Leave her be, Otto,” he looked back fast to see Theo buddled up and standing at the entrance to the stable with a wheelbarrow, “Just cover her up with some of the horse blankets for now. We got some work to do. A big boy like you shouldn’t have any trouble moving some bodies. We’ll look at that eye when we’re done.”

Otto stared at him confused for a minute. He finally realized that Theo was trying to help him clear out the bodies, “I...I…” he also realized what he’d done. He looked down and saw himself still holding the hoof pick. Otto suddenly dropped it as if it were on fire, “I didn’t mean…”

“Stop talking boy and get busy cleaning. It’s already going to be a long night. Clean now, fall apart later.”

He stood slowly, staring down at the blood covering his shirt, pants, and hands. He didn’t feel cold anymore. He just felt numb. But slowly, he started to move. Otto had always been taught to clean up his messes. It was time to do what his mother had taught him.


	16. Chapter 16

They stayed in the kitchen together all day and he watched her from the corner of his eyes all day. After Oscar left the table, she continued to eat her own breakfast and she asked him about how he’d slept. Helga and Alma made their way down to the kitchen and did the same as Oscar had. First Helga questioned if he’d fucked her cousin when Miriam turned her back and he told her the same thing he’d told his brother. Then Miriam would tell an inappropriate story about something to do with some person she knew when her husband had been alive and he would make sure to correct her about the status of her husband. After which the two girls ran back off to the privacy of their own room. 

They didn’t move from the kitchen. Axel just finished his breakfast and Miriam cleared the table, leaving only the coffee for them to drink at their leisure. He occasionally looked out the window for signs of Otto and just enjoyed the silence. He watched as she fussed about the kitchen. Dusting things that hadn’t been cleaned since his mother left since his brother’s appeared to not be taking care of it. She started prepping things for a small lunch. It was apparently only going to be for the two of them since she’d only mentioned supper to the others. She had a soup pot going for the supper stew and was making a batter for the fläskpannkaka she was making for their lunch.

The oven-baked pancakes were one of his favorite meals. He watched, from the corner of his eye, as she sliced up a sad-looking apple. It hadn’t turned yet and was likely the only one left that hadn’t been turned into jam to last the winter. Most only made the pancakes with sliced pork, but his mother knew he liked apples in his too. She made more coffee for them after she laid out the pancakes and lingonberry jam. 

He ate at his wife’s home, but it wasn’t a nice affair. It was loud and there was usually some fighting. No one seemed to get along. Meals were supposed to be nice. Soft talking about what was done that day and what was to be done the next. Laughing about little things and smiling at each other. It wasn’t supposed to make him feel like he would rather be eating hay with the cows in the barn. This was nice. It reminded him that he was really home. Getting to drink coffee from his favorite cup and be surrounded by the things he enjoyed. It was just good.

As Miriam was cleaning up the table from their small lunch, he noticed the way she was looking at him. It was that coy look again and he sat up a little straighter. Preparing himself. The niceness couldn’t last, after all, “What?”

“Nothing,” she said softly.

She surprised him by sitting back down and starting to peel potatoes for the supper stew. He’d expected her to try to climb into his lap again, “Tell me.”

Miriam smiled softly and laughed lightly, “Do you really want to know?” he nodded, “I’m just worried that once I tell you, it’ll stop.”

That just made Axel all the more curious, “Tell me.”

“Very well. I’m sure you didn’t notice, but you’re smiling. Just a little,” Axel felt his face tense up and his brows furrow a little, “See, now it’s gone. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. It looked nice. Is this the sort of thing you enjoy? A woman taking care of you and you get to be the man?”

He eyed her a bit, “No. I can take care of myself.”

“Then what is so different about today from the last few days? Or rather the last six months for you? Because I doubt you’ve smiled at all since the wedding.”

Axel had to think about it a bit. He sipped his coffee for a while and she went back to peeling her potatoes. He hadn’t thought she had it in her to be this calm. It wasn’t that he preferred her this way. As infuriating as her aggressiveness had been, he couldn’t deny how he thought about it at night. How much the thought of her smaller body pushing him against the wall and giving him that coy smile as she unbuttoned his shirt excited him. He’d never met a woman like that before. Seeing this other side of her wasn’t what he wanted, but he enjoyed seeing it. 

“I feel like I’m home,” he finally decided that was the answer, “It was nice to have Oscar at the table.”

“You like feeling like you have a family?”

That wasn’t hard to answer, “Yes.”

“It is nice here,” she mused, “Quiet. Things are always so busy at my cousin’s farm. Loud and busy. Erik always has people moving,” the old man liked to be in control of things. Axel noticed things about their family that he hadn’t before the wedding. Erik ran his family like a pack of well-trained dogs and disciplined them harshly when they misbehaved. He half expected the man to stand next to their bed and watch them have sex to make sure Axel was trying his hardest to give Helga a child. 

“You should stay here then,” if she could manage her aggressiveness with this softer side, Axel could see himself tolerating her much better. 

“I might enjoy that, but it wouldn’t be much fun without you around.”

Axel remembered suddenly that he wouldn’t be staying here. That once the storm let up and the snow melted enough, he and his wife would be heading back to their home, “I’m not at your home either. Unless you have some poor man sitting in your husband…”

“Late husband…” she said it this time.

“Yes. Your late husband. Some poor man sitting in your late husband’s chair by the fire waiting for you to come back. Just waiting for his widow to come home and living off the money your late husband left behind.”

She smirked, “I don’t like men like that. Lazy. I like a who knows what he wants and takes it.”

“Then why are you so insistent on trying to have me?”

Axel watched as she set down her peeler and wiped her hands on her apron before getting up. He tensed as she walked over and stood behind him. Her hands settled on his shoulders and he inhaled sharply as she started rubbing them. Axel missed touching. Possibly more than the sex itself. He closed his eyes as he felt her lips close to his ear and felt her hair tickling his neck as loose bits fell from her braid, “Because you know what you want, you just haven’t got to the point of taking it yet.”

He gripped his coffee cup hard as she continued to massage his shoulders and her lips found his neck, “What is it you think I want?” he managed to choke out. He could hear her throaty chuckle at the strain in his voice. 

“I know exactly what you want, Axel,” he knew what he expected her to say and she would be wrong if she did. He didn’t just want a woman to fuck. If that was all he wanted, he had no trouble finding that. To fuck her was what he expected from her. What he got was surprising, “You want to go hunting with your brothers, come home for supper with all your family around the table, help your wife clean the dishes; all while Oscar is safely in his room with his milk boy lover and Otto is sweeping the floors. Then you want to carry your wife up to your bedroom and make love to her. Showing her just how much you want her and only her. Giving her pleasure that most other men aren’t familiar with giving a woman. You want to wake up in the morning and try to show her how much you appreciate her by making her toast, but you burn it every time. She eats it anyway. That’s exactly what you want, Axel. Am I wrong?”

Axel couldn’t find it in him to even given a simple answer. He pulled away from her, but only so he could stand up. He pushed the chair out of the way and moved towards her. For once, she was the one backing up from him. She pinned herself against the counter and he towered over her. She didn’t look scared, but she was breathing heavily and she locked her eyes onto his. She gasped softly as he slid his hands along her waist and pulled her close. Pressing their bodies together tightly, “And what do you want, Miriam?”

Once again, her answer wasn’t what he expected, “To be appreciated and loved.”

Leaning down, he kissed her hard. They both groaned softly and he felt her press up harder against him. Her arms wrapped around his neck and her fingers sank into his hair. His blood felt like it was boiling as they claimed each other's mouths. Miriam bit his lower lip a little and he shivered as she tugged on it a bit. His tongue dove into her mouth and she wrapped hers around it. All he wanted to do was touch her all over.

“Touch me, Axel,” she moaned as if she were reading his mind.

He was more than happy to oblige. Tugging her apron free, he tossed it aside. His lips moved down to her neck. Sucking on the soft skin as she gripped his hair. He spent a long time on her neck, only moving on when he pulled back and noticed how red some of the spots were. Miriam would have kiss bruises for sure, “Mmmm, Axel,” she sighed softly. Her body was squirming just slightly against his as he moved down more. He gripped her waist and hefted her to sit on the counter.

Axel worked his way down her body. He would have preferred her to be undressed for this, but they weren’t in the best location for that. He made due though. She continued to grip the hair on the back of his head as he kissed along the top of her chest. He turned his head and started kissing down one of her arms. She released his hair so he could kiss all the way to her fingertips on one hand, “Oh, Axel,” the soft moans of his name were encouraging. 

His lips wrapped around two of her fingers and he suckled them for a moment, feeling his blood boiling again as she panted loudly. Feeling her body felt wonderful. Axel missed this so much. Missed feeling it and hearing it. 

Releasing her fingers, he kissed back up her arm and started making his way down again. Kneeling on the floor, he smiled as he heard her breath hitch as he slid his hands up her legs. He pulled the stockings and leggings she wore for warm down and tossed them aside with her apron. Axel pulled one of her legs up to rest on his shoulder and he started kissing up her bare leg. She squirmed and moaned as he focused attention on her inner thigh. She gasped as he nipped the skin a little.

One hand held her skirts up enough for him to sit between her legs and the other moved up past his kissing lips. He gave attention to her other thing as his fingers stroked along her slit, “Så våt och varm, älskling,” he moaned into the soft skin on her thigh.

“Rör vid mig mer, älskling,” Miriam panted as her fingers gripped his hair tightly.

Axel saw no reason not to comply with her request. His lips kissed up hiring until he reached his goal. The lusty sound that came from her mouth as he got to work was all he needed to hear. The first time he had done this for a girl, she’d been hesitant to let him do it. Not many let him. They found it too strange. The few that did, the majority of them enjoyed it. Miriam was one of those who did. She liked the way his tongue worked at her core. 

Axel hadn’t felt like this in a long time. He felt good.


	17. Chapter 17

Oscar watched as Axel would touch the slightly swollen, red mark on his lower lip and Miriam would run her fingers along the kiss bruises on her neck. They would look at each other coyly and playfully as they did it. It was a far cry from the way his older brother had looked at the aggressive woman over their days stuck here. He knew his brother wanted the other woman and he believed Axel when he said he hadn’t bedded her last night, but Oscar was positive something had happened since breakfast. Neither of them seemed to care about attempting to hide that fact. 

Miriam didn’t try to hide the red marks Axel had left on her neck. Keeping her hair pulled back and going as far as to touch them frequently. It was like she was happy to have them. It didn’t help that she was sitting where his mother used to sit and Axel had taken his father’s seat at the table. They sat next to each other and Axel would reach over and run his fingers along the back of her hand occasionally. They hadn’t fucked last night, but Oscar was sure they would tonight.

Oscar wasn’t the only one who noticed what was going on. Helga had her eyes on the two of them. Even though she had her own lover sitting at the table with them, he understood why she was upset. It was one thing for Axel to have a lover and even have her at the table with them since Helga did, but Miriam was her cousin. It was disrespectful. 

Meanwhile, both Alma and Filip seemed uncomfortable just being at the table. They were all sitting together as a family, but it was incredibly awkward. Filip was shifting about, wanting to leave. Alma wasn’t eating and just kept her eyes fixed on the table in front of her like she was scared. Oscar couldn’t imagine this was easy for them. If Axel was going to hurt anyone, it would be them. Axel wouldn’t hurt him or his own wife. It was the two outsiders that were in danger. Oscar knew that there wasn’t really any danger, but neither of them seemed to believe that.

“How is the kalops, Oscar?” his head shot up as he realized Miriam was speaking to him. He’d been stuffing his mouth just to keep from talking the whole supper. The only two who seemed to be enjoying speaking were his brother and her. The stew was good. Miriam was a good cook.

Swallowing his mouthful, he coughed a little, “It’s good.”

“Wonderful. Axel told me it was your favorite.”

“Anytime Mamma made it, we never had any left for the next day,” Axel added in with a smile. Oscar couldn’t deny that it was nice to see his brother smiling again. He might not have agreed with what his brother was doing, but at least it seemed to be making him happy. All the times he saw Axel since the engagement, he never smiled anymore. Oscar didn’t want to think about what all Miriam had done today to put that smile back on his brother’s face. 

“Do you like it, Filip?” she asked the milk boy next.

Oscar had tried goading his lover into eating breakfast this morning, but he refused. He said he didn’t trust Miriam to cook for them and didn’t even like Oscar eating it. He refused to eat the stew as well. Oscar realized that Filip was worried that someone was going to poison them. It pained him to see the man he loved being so paranoid. He only hoped that once the snow melted enough and Filip could leave that he might settle down. That this was just some kind of cabin fever or winter paranoia from being stuck in an unfamiliar place, “Why? What did you put in it?”

Oscar reached over and tried to hold one of Filip’s hands, but the other man jerked his hand away. Not wanting to show any signs of affection in front of the others. Filip didn’t trust them, “Just the usual. Meat, potatoes, red wine, allspice berries...what else would I put in it?” she asked.

Before the other man could respond, Oscar chimed in, “Filip’s not used to having pickled beets with kalops. That’s all,” he smiled weakly.

His answer wasn’t needed, apparently. He looked up to see Miriam focused back on his brother. She was smiling at Axel and refilling his wine. Between the two of them, they had nearly finished the whole bottle. Both of their cheeks were pinkened. They weren’t drunk, but they had drunk too much. It wasn’t helping the situation. Axel, when he had the option, tended to be at his worst with women after a few drinks. Tonight was no exception to that. He watched his brother reach out and cup the back of Miriam’s head. She didn’t resist as he pulled her in to kiss her. 

He glanced over at Filip who was staring, wide-eyed, at Axel and Miriam as they kissed. His eyes went next to Helga and Alma. The farm girl looked like Filip, but his brother’s wife looked mortified. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was agape. The open display of affection was not something that belonged at the dining table and certainly not in front of his own wife.

As the kiss continued, Helga shoved her chair back hard and took off from the table. Alma ran after her and he winced as he heard a door slam shut. Oscar had a hard time believing his brother would do something like this, “I’m going to assume it’s all the wine making you do that,” he finally snapped sharply.

“Is something wrong, Oscar?” Miriam asked with a smile.

“I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to my brother. Your cousin’s husband. Who just ran out of the room after watching her husband kiss you,” he knew the situation wasn’t easy for his brother. He’d tried to convince Axel not to marry Helga at all, but he’d committed to it under the impression that it would make their life better in some way. No matter the situation, that didn’t excuse certain things, “You owe Helga an apology when you’re sober, Axel.”

Axel laughed a little and shook his head, “I owe her an apology? After spending night after night for months helping another girl climb into my bed so that my wife can fuck her? So I should apologize to her for letting her see me kiss another woman once? After she has repeatedly told me to find another woman?”

“It’s her cousin, Axel. It’s not decent.”

“Because you’re all-knowing about decency? Hiding in a milk cart on the side of the road to let him fuck you?” he watched Axel turn his attention to Filip, “Wearing that collar like a dog for him. That’s just decent, isn’t it? Holing up in your bedroom for days and letting everyone in the house hear you moaning for him. Very decent, Brother.”

Filip stood up fast, “Don’t talk about Oscar like that,” Oscar went wide-eyed as Filip grabbed a table knife and held it up towards Axel. Miriam seemed smart enough to move back from the table and stand behind Axel when she saw the knife being brought up, “You made a girl who doesn’t want you marry you and now you flaunt around with a member of her own family. You’re disgusting.”

“Filip! Put that down!” he was surprised by Filip’s actions.

Axel didn’t move from the table though. He stared at Filip with hard eyes that made Oscar nervous, “I don’t make my wife do anything. I don’t ask her to do anything. I don’t ask her to cook for me, clean for me, launder my clothing, touch me, kiss me, fuck me, say nice things to me, or even let me sleep in my own bed. But she’s my wife and, just like for my brothers, I will do anything I can for her to make her happy. The one time I don’t, I feel like she can do with learning to forgive me.”

His brother finally stood up and Filip stood a little straighter with the knife still in his hands. Oscar got up too, but he wasn’t sure what he would do. If Filip attacked his brother, what would be the right thing to do? Protect Filip from Axel or let it happen? He was sure Axel could protect himself. Filip wasn’t a fighter or a hunter. If Axel wanted to put him down, he could. He reached out and touched Filip’s wrist and he could feel that Filip was shaking, “Axel...don’t…” he said softly, begging his brother not to let this happen.

Miriam seemed to not really want a fight either. She grabbed the sleeve of Axel’s shirt and tugged it a little towards herself. His brother eyed Filip for a moment before looking back at Miriam. The woman ran her hand up his arm and leaned up to whisper something in his ear. His brother seemed to think for a moment before wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her alongside the opposite side of the table from them. He did stop for a moment before they left the kitchen, “Put the knife down. You don’t know how to use it.”

He winced again as he heard another door slam shut in the house, “Filip...put the knife down…” he said softly. The other man was still holding it tightly and shaking quite a bit, “What were you thinking? Threatening my brother with a knife?”

“Would you have let him hurt me, Oscar?”

The question took him off guard. At the moment, he had thought the same thing, but he still didn’t know the answer, “Filip, you held a knife to him…he’s my brother…”

“And I’m the man you love. The man you said you’d leave this place with. You’re never going to see him again, but you’re going to see me every day for the rest of our lives. But you would have let him hurt me?”

“I…” Oscar didn’t know what to say. Protecting Filip meant possibly hurting Axel. He wasn’t sure he could do that. He knew that his brother didn’t understand exactly how Oscar felt about the other man, but he at least tried. Which was a lot more than anyone else around would have. If anyone else had seen the two of them kissing that one day in the barn, they’d both be dead now, “Filip, you can’t ask me to hurt my brother.”

“Even if he’s hurting me? You hurt my brother because he was hurting me,” bringing that up just made Oscar feel sick, “If he’s hurting me, the man you say you love, then is he really your brother?”

He finally gripped the other man’s wrist tight enough that he finally dropped the knife down, “Axel would never attack us. If you went after him, he would defend himself. He wouldn’t hurt you,” he was sure Axel would show restraint. After all, this wasn’t some drunken fight in the bar, “You need to eat, Filip. You’re not thinking right.”

“How should I be thinking? It’s not safe here, Oscar. We won’t be safe until we leave here. Why don’t you get that?”

He reached up and cupped Filip’s face in his hands. It hurt Oscar to see how much pain Filip seemed to be in. He looked manic. His eyes were wide, but there were dark circles under it. Most mornings when he woke, Filip was already awake. Maybe his lover hadn’t been sleeping. Too worried that Axel would hurt them in their sleep. Neither of them had eaten the day before and Filip hadn’t eaten today. Oscar couldn’t remember when he last saw the other man eat something, “You’re not okay, Filip. I’m worried about you. Why don’t we go up to bed? You can get some sleep. I’ll stay awake tonight…” he remembered all the times Filip asked him to protect him, “...I’ll protect you,” he even picked up the table knife, “I won’t let anyone get to you.”

“And you won’t leave me alone in the morning?”

Something was wrong with his lover and Oscar didn’t know how to fix it. He seemed terrified of everything. He could only imagine that it stemmed from Liam. Oscar tried to understand the feeling, but he just couldn’t see his brothers having any reason to ever want to hurt him. He never had to worry about people he loved turning on him. He couldn’t fix what had broken in Filip, “I won’t. I promise.”

That didn’t seem to relax the other man any. His face still looked strained and tense. Nothing was going to calm Filip. He didn’t know how it was possible to ease the other man’s mind anymore. Instead, he just leaned forward and kissed Filip’s forehead, “You’ll sleep tonight, won’t you?”

“...” the lack of an immediate answer was concerning, “...I’ll try…” which Oscar assumed was better than nothing.

“Once the snow melts some, Axel will be leaving. Things can go back to normal. I promise,” back to hiding in the milk cart. No more spending nights together.

“Until spring? When we leave?”

Oscar furrowed his brow a bit, “...yes,” right now, he’d say anything to get Filip to calm down in the slightest. It didn’t change the other man’s face, but he at least started shuffling towards the door and heading for the bedroom.

The young man felt at a loss for what to do. He didn’t know how to make it better for his melancholic and paranoid lover. What if they did get to the city and things didn’t change? What if Filip was constantly fearing for them? Oscar knew they would always be in danger, but he also knew he couldn’t live his life fearing everyone and everything. What if Filip never recovered from this? Oscar wasn’t sure if he was capable of handling that.

What if Filip expected him to _protect_ him from anyone that could be a threat to them? It made his stomach turn to think about. He wasn’t sure if love was worth living that way.


	18. Chapter 18

“Otto, are you alright?” he jerked a little at the sound of his younger brother’s voice. Otto let go of the cat he had been petting and stood up from his chair fast.

“I’m fine,” but he was far from it. Otto didn’t feel right anymore. Nothing felt right anymore. 

It had been two weeks since that night. The storm finally let up completely the next morning and within another few days, they had been able to make it home. Otto had decided to go back to his family farm and hadn’t been to the Gustavsson’s since. He briefly saw Axel with his wife and her lover and a woman he recognized as Helga’s cousin. Since then, he had just been shuffling around and keeping to himself. He didn’t mind that Oscar spent most of his time with the milk boy because he didn’t want to be around anyone right now. 

He got Greta up into a bed to recover from her injuries and the cold. Meanwhile, Theo got a cart ready for them. He’d hauled the four bodies and all bloodied snow and hay he could get loaded up into it. Theo cleaned up his eye and told him he was lucky that the angle he fell didn’t cause him to lose his eye. Better to just have a scar than to be half-blind.

While Theo lead the horse, Otto walked in front, shoveling snow as they made their way to the lake. It was nearly morning by the time Otto was hauling the last body into the cold water. He was shivering as the water soaked him to the bone. Theo let him ride back in the cart, but he refused to take the blanket that was offered. Otto wanted to freeze. He cleaned up in the sink behind the bar and Theo managed to find him some dry clothes that fit decently well. The old man told him that he needed to get Greta to agree to keep their secret. While she might not have seen everything, she would know something happened when people went looking for those boys. 

Greta hadn’t taken the news well. The thought that Otto had killed not one, but four men put her off greatly and he didn’t blame her. There was no excuse for what he’d done. He could have just knocked them out. Killing them shouldn’t have been an option. It didn’t matter what they were going to do to her, he could have tried harder to restrain them instead of killing them. In the end, Greta took the cart home and Otto walked. When he tried to tell her what he and Theo had done, she shouted at him that she didn’t want to know. It was likely better that way. If she didn’t know where the bodies were, she could honestly say she didn’t know where the boys were if questioned.

For the two weeks since then, Otto spent most of his time indoors. Drinking whatever wine and beer they had that Axel hadn’t drunk while he had been here. He slept a lot too. Just not wanting to get out of his bed most morning. Just staying curled up under the blanket his mother had made him before her hands started shaking too much and in his winter longjohns to keep him warm. Otto didn’t want to see other people, not even his younger brother.

How could he look them in the eyes anymore after what he’d done? He was a monster. He was the brute his father had told people he was when they didn’t pay the prices he wanted them to pay. It had been nothing to end their lives. Otto had always through a human skull would be hard to breakthrough, but it hadn’t been. It had been relatively easy for him to do. They had died so fast once he got his hands on them. They hadn’t even the time to beg him not to do it or even cry out. 

“You’re not fine. You’re slinking around here like one of the cats. What’s wrong, Otto?”

“I’m just tired of the winter,” he lied. He was glad for the lack of having to see people in the winter. Once spring came, he’d have to start going to town again and Axel would expect him back at the Gustavsson farm to help with the spring work that would need doing. Otto wasn’t sure if he could do it.

“The roads are clear. You should go to visit Greta.”

“I can’t. She doesn’t want to see me anymore,” he said sullenly. He missed seeing and hearing her. Otto could honestly say that he loved Greta. How he loved her, he wasn’t sure. It wasn’t physical, but it wasn’t the same way he loved his brothers or their mother. She had been his friend and his confidant.

“What? Why? Did something happen in town?”

Otto couldn’t tell his younger brother the truth. He couldn’t tell anyone. Not ever, “...I got drunk. I got into a fight. She didn’t like seeing me like that.”

“Is that all? We all get into fights at the bar. What else is there to do when you’re stuck there for days?” he knew his brother was just trying to make him feel better, but it wasn’t working. Oscar seemed to have his own problems these days and probably liked focusing on Otto’s for a moment.

“She said she thought I was better than that.”

Oscar pat his shoulders a bit, “No one is better than a little bar fighting. She might dress like a man, but she doesn’t get it like we do,” even if Oscar preferred the company of other men, he still drank and got into trouble like any other man in town.

“I guess,” he said softly as he reached down to pick up one of the cats again as he settled back into the chair. Otto wanted to change the subject, “What was it like having Axel home?” he missed their older brother. If Greta and he hadn’t gone to town that day, he would have been home with his brothers during the storm instead. He would have preferred that at this point considering how things had turned out. There was no way it could have been as bad here.

“If it had just been Axel, it might have been nice. Or even just Axel, Helga, and Alma. They brought Helga’s cousin with them. Have you met her?”

He hadn’t. He’d seen her around the Gustavsson farm, but he never introduced himself. Otto preferred to stay out of the main farmhouse when he could avoid it. He had seen her once in the barn with Axel. He’d been surprised to see his brother let her push him down onto a haybale and climb into his lap without fighting back. Nothing happened. Axel let her sit there for a moment before pushing her off, “Not really.”

“You’d think they were rabbits the way they were going at it the last few days before they left,” that was surprising to hear. He couldn’t see his brother lusting after his wife’s cousin, “And he kept making her toast.”

“He always burns the toast.”

“I know, but he kept making it and she ate it.”

That was odd, “He did seem happy when I saw him,” Axel had been smiling, which was something Otto hadn’t seen in a while. Now that he thought about it, Miriam had been sitting in the front of the cart with him instead of Helga, “Why are you still home? Shouldn’t you be helping Filip with the milk deliveries?” he knew that more than milk delivering went on during their trips, but he wasn’t about to bring that part up.

Oscar settled onto the floor and ran his hand along one of the cats, “I wanted to stay home today,” the sullen tone didn’t go unnoticed. They both sat quietly in front of the fire. It felt strangely nice. They were both sullen and sad about something, but it was nice to not be alone, “Otto, have you ever thought about not being here anymore?”

“What do you mean?”

“Living somewhere else? Not being here.”

Otto thought for a moment. He honestly hadn’t. He loved their farm and their home. He liked going into the woods and hunting for deer or rabbits for supper. He enjoyed laying in the barn and looking out the small hole in the roof at night. He liked all the cats that ran around. Even going into town wasn’t all that appealing. He would be happy to just stay on their land forever. He’d never thought about living somewhere else, “No.”

“Not once? Not even when Pappa took us to the city that one time? I thought it was nice.”

He didn’t agree. He hadn’t liked the city. It was louder and there were a lot of people. Pappa had given him extra money to try to find a girl the night they stayed, but he’d given it to Axel when their father wasn’t looking. He’d found himself waiting for the minute Pappa told them it was time to leave, “I hated it there. I never want to go back.”

“Otto...I need to tell you something.”

“Hn?”

“...Filip wants to move to the city and he wants me to go with him.”

It was hard not to stare at his brother. The younger man avoided looking back. Just looking down at the cat he was petting. For a moment, Oscar looked very small. He’d always liked sitting on the floor in here. Just playing with the cats when he was little in front of Mamma’s feet while Pappa was in town. Oscar was always Mamma’s favorite and she spoiled him a bit. Always making his favorite supper, always giving him sweets, brushing his hair, and letting him bring all the barn cats into the house. He missed them all being young and not having to deal with the things they were now.

“Do you want to go?”

“No.”

“Why does Filip want to go?” spending time with Greta had helped with his talking. He could ask better questions now and he felt like he could be part of conversations now when he wanted to be.

“He doesn’t feel safe here. He thinks we’ll be safer there. He’s scared and he wants me to…” Oscar shook his head. There was more, but his brother didn’t seem ready to say it. Otto wouldn’t push for it. There was much he was keeping these days and he’d let his brother keep his own secrets too, “I love him, Otto. I should want to go with him, shouldn’t I?”

He wished he could tell his brother the right answer, but he didn’t know what it was. A selfish part of him said that if Oscar left, then he’d be all alone. That’s what Axel had asked of him a few months ago. To give up seeing Greta and just stay home because Axel hadn’t realized yet that their younger brother was running off every day. He would be completely alone. Otto didn’t want that. There was also no telling if leaving would make Oscar happy anyway. He wanted to say that. Otto couldn’t make himself do it thought, “I don’t think I can answer that.”

“I wish Axel had never married Helga.”

“Why?”

“Because then he and Mamma would still be home. It would just be us like it was before. We were all happy then. We didn’t have to worry about other people. All I worry about anymore is Filip and people finding out about us.”

Otto couldn’t deny that. He was starting to feel the same way, “I worry about what people might do to Greta because she doesn’t act like a woman.”

“And Helga,” none of them really got along well with her, but she was their sister now. He supposed Oscar was more worried about the fact that Helga might tell on him if they found out about her, “I don’t want to worry about other people anymore.”

“Neither do I.”

“Otto, I don’t think we can make this better.”

He shook his head sadly. What was done was done. There was no way to change it. Come spring, those bodies would be found. Some men going fishing would snag one of them or some children might try to go swimming. Even before spring, their families would start wondering where they were if they hadn’t already. It would be like when Filip’s family came by looking for Liam. Otto wasn’t sure he could stand to lie to them. He and his brothers were good men. 

He looked down at his brother again, still holding the cat and looking so little. Otto couldn’t lie to his brothers. He couldn’t hide it. He had to tell them. What they chose to do with it, he wouldn’t be angry with them. Otto wanted to be punished for what he’d done. Better to tell them rather than waiting for Greta to crack and tell Edvin or Erik. He would let his family decide his fate.

“Oscar...I have to tell you something.”

The younger man looked up at him and he felt his heart sink, “What?”

“...I’m so sorry…” was all he could think to say before he started pouring out his soul.


	19. Chapter 19

One of her soft hands was on his shoulders bracing herself and the other was covering her own mouth to help muffle the sounds she was making. He thrust up inside of her, pressing her harder against the wall. While he missed the feeling of having her in his bed, this felt well enough. They met almost every night in the barn so they could kiss and make love. He planned on taking her, Helga, and Alma back to his family farm just so he could be with Miriam more. It was no longer just for Helga and Alma’s sake.

Waking up the first morning after they had bedded together had felt wonderful. He woke her with kisses to her bare shoulders, running his fingers down her soft hips, and with a plate of slightly burnt toast on the pillow next to her. They could have spent the day doing nothing but making love instead, they just laid together. Touching each other until they knew each other’s bodies well. Kissing until their lips felt swollen and sore. Napping with her head on his chest. Listening to her tell him about her childhood in the city and meeting Elias Gustavsson. Telling her about his own childhood. Axel had never spent time like that with a woman before and they did it daily until the road looked clear enough to leave. 

Groaning lowly, he leaned forward as she wrapped both her arms around his neck and he rested his forehead against hers, “Miriam…” he said her name softly as he reached his finish.

“Oh, Axel…” she cooed as she stroked the back of his neck and squirmed against him. They didn’t have nearly as many options here. He missed being able to spend all night pleasuring each other. Miriam was nearly unsatisfiable and he was glad he seemed to have the stamina to compete with her.

Tilting his head, he touched the tip of his nose to her nose. Just taking in the scent of her and feeling her body against his own. Axel wanted to stay like this. Unfortunately, he had to let her go until tomorrow evening. He let the leg he had been holding against his hip go and slowly pulled back. Axel started fixing his pants as she fixed her skirts. Reaching back out to her, he pulled her close again and she giggled as he nuzzled into her neck. Axel wasn’t ready to go to bed, “Min kärlek,” he said softly. Axel was coming around to the idea that he was smitten with her. He’d never felt like this for a woman before. 

“Älska mig,” she cooed.

He wanted to make love to her again, but it was getting late. He wanted to sneak into her room and spend the night in bed with her. Sadly, in order to appease his wife’s family, he was spending more nights sleeping in bed with his wife. Doing so was sealed by his own mother bringing up his previous drinking and sleeping in the barn. Had she not talked to him about it, he might have not changed his habits. 

“We’ll go back to my home soon and I can love you constantly,” there didn’t need to be a storm this time. Axel planned on an extended stay at home this time. 

Eventually, their soft kisses and words had to stop and they parted for the night. Axel made his way to his and Helga’s shared room. She was already laying in bed, her back to him, and he assumed sleeping. Alma hadn’t been sleeping in here as much lately and hadn’t asked to sneak in. Axel had apologized for his behavior at the dining table, but not for his relations with Miriam. Helga seemed to accept that, but they hadn’t talked much about it. Not that their marriage was one that involved much speaking. 

Settling into bed, he closed his eyes and tried to find sleep. 

Axel wasn’t sure how long he was resting when he heard Helga speaking, “Axel...are you awake…?”

“A little,” he mumbled. He felt her move in the bed and move closer to him. He was surprised to feel her hand touch his arm. They didn’t touch, even for a show around others, “Are you alright?” she didn’t respond right away. Instead, he felt her hand move from his arm and push across his chest, “Helga…” she didn’t answer him still. He jerked as her hand moved down and he felt her cup between his legs, “Helga, what’re you doing?” he reached down and grabbed her hand, pulling it away.

“Isn’t this what you like?”

As she spoke, Axel could smell the wine. His wife had been drinking quite a bit tonight. He felt her shift and press up against him. She was undressed too. She had climbed into bed waiting for him tonight and he was sure the drinking had been to get up the nerve to do it. She had been somewhat drunk the first time they had sex months before their engagement. The difference was that Axel wasn’t drunk this time, “Helga, stop,” he pushed her away a bit, “What’s got into you?”

“We need to have a baby.”

It made sense now. Helga was coming around to the idea that they needed to do what they had got married to do. He couldn’t say that he had been looking forward to this. If he had known this was her plan, he would have got drunk tonight too. Axel wasn’t entirely sure he could do this, “Not tonight,” he wouldn’t say ever. Axel would do what needed to be done. Neither of them was going to enjoy this, but he couldn’t do it sober, “We’ll start trying tomorrow,” he couldn’t promise that he would be able to go through with it then. He had to manage how much he drank. Too much and he’d just fall asleep. Not enough and he wouldn’t be able to perform given the situation. 

“I want to get it over with,” she was drunk now and didn’t want to waste the opportunity, it seemed. 

Axel was surprised as she not only pressed up against him but wrapped one of her bare legs over his hips, “Helga, stop,” he didn’t want to be rough with her. Helga was a gentle girl and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. She didn’t let up though. The bed creaked a bit as she forced herself atop his hips. In the dark, he could only see the shape of her body. She was shaking.

“Is this how Miriam does it?” his body wasn’t against the feeling. It responded as it should, but he knew, in the long run, he wouldn’t be able to finish.

As much as he didn’t want to, he pushed her off and onto the bed next to him, “That’s enough, Helga,” he said lowly, “Not tonight.”

It didn’t seem to deter her for long. His wife moved to press up against him as he sat up in the bed. He was reaching for his pants and planning to go sleep in the barn if she was going to be like this. He tried pushing her hands off with one hand while he tried to get his pants on, but she kept draping herself over his shoulders, “Axel, please...we can make it quick…”

He jerked his shoulders away from her and tried to stand up. Helga was quick to climb off the bed and stumble in front of him. She pushed him back and he fell back in surprise. It appeared that aggressiveness ran in the family, but only when Helga was drunk. 

Her face was closer to his now as she leaned over and tried to kiss him. He reached up and cupped her face to stop her. The little bit of light coming from the cracks around their door shone on her face. Axel tilted his head a little, “Helga...what happened to your face?”

That seemed to sober her up or at least calm her down. She pulled her face away from his hands and turned her head away from him, “It’s nothing…”

It wasn’t nothing. Her face looked discolored. He pushed her off his hips gently and went for the gas lamp on their night table. Helga moved about the bed, covering herself up and turning her head to cover her face with her hair as he lit it with a match, “Helga, what happened?” she had been fine at supper.

“It’s nothing,” she repeated, “Just come back to bed. Turn out the light.”

Walking closer, he reached out and cupped her chin, making her look at him. One side of her face was bruised. Her eye was swollen and her cheek was an ugly color. Seeing her marked up like that was more than upsetting, “Who did this?” there hadn’t been even a red mark on her cheek at supper. Whatever happened, it happened after he went out to meet Miriam. That didn’t leave many options. His mother certainly didn’t touch her and had no reason to. Her own mother wasn’t in much better shape than his own. Greta had no reason to lash out at his wife that he knew of. Alma was just as passive as Helga was. That left her father and her brother, “Was it Edvin?”

Tears started dripping down her eyes and she shook her head, “Was it your father?” he waited a bit, but she didn’t respond in any way. Just started crying softly into her hands. That was enough of an answer for him. He felt his blood boiling. Helga wasn’t his lover, but she was his wife. He’d promised to take care of her. 

“Pappa…” she finally started, “Pappa says if I don’t have a baby soon...he’ll find me a new husband,” a new husband wouldn’t be so tolerant. 

How Erik intended on getting her a new husband was another issue. It wasn’t as if they could pretend Axel didn’t exist and just send him home. The only way Helga could get another husband was if Axel weren’t around anymore. He knew Erik was willing to go to extremes sometimes, but he hadn’t expected that “I see.”

He moved to finish pulling his pants on and his shirt before he went for his boots, “Axel, what’re you doing?”

“Get dressed. Go get my mother dressed and packed. Find Miriam too. All of you get dressed and get packed. Have Miriam help you get a cart ready.”

“What? Why? Axel, what’re you doing?” she nearly fell off the bed trying to grab his arm, “Axel, don’t. He’s my father.”

“Just get everyone dressed and packed. I’ll be outside soon.”

Helga let go of his shirt and slinked back onto the bed, “Alma too?”

“Yes.”

He didn’t wait for her agreement. Axel marched from their room and down the hallway. There was no need to knock. Axel kicked the door he stopped in front of and it flew open, smacking hard into the wall. Helga’s mother screamed a little and Erik reached for the gun on his night table. Axel was faster though. He grabbed the old man by the cuff of his shirt and hauled him out of the bed. The man seemed to relax just a little when he realized it was Axel, “What do you think you’re doing?” he growled lowly.

Axel threw the man against the wall, still holding his shirt, and pressed him hard against it, “Did you touch my wife?”

“If you were a real man...” the man started, but Axel drew a hand back, balled up his fist, and hit the man hard in the stomach.

“You touch my wife, you threaten me…” he growled back, “If you ever touch her again, I will kill you,” Axel dropped the man and knelt down a bit next to his body, “I took a vow to protect Helga in front of family and God. You’re more than welcome to test what I’d do for my family.”

The sound of the gun cocking got his attention. He stood up and turned to see Helga’s mother with the gun, “Get out,” she snapped.

“You’d rather defend him over your own daughter?” she pointed the gun at him, “Very well,” he wasn’t going to argue with a woman who preferred a man like that.

He left Erik on the floor and went back to his room to grab his jacket and a few of his things before starting downstairs. The women were helping his mother as she coughed a bit. He hated to have her travel, but there was no helping it, “Axel, where are we going?” she got out between coughs when she saw him.

He smiled and kissed the top of her head, “Home.”

“So late? Why can we not wait until morning, sötnos?” it made him smile to hear her call him what she used to when he was little.

“It’s just better to go now, Mamma.”

Helga looked at him, tears still in her eyes before Alma came over and started to help with his mother again. Miriam had her coat on and looked sleepy, “Axel, what’s happened?”

“I’ll explain once we’re home, Min kärlek,” he said softly, “I want the three of you to sit in the back with Mamma and the blankets. Just stay warm, alright?”

She looked like she wanted to fight him for a moment, but she nodded. Axel could have gone to help, but he stood in the door with his own hunting gun and stood to watch. He would have to come back for the rest of their things eventually, but that would be a task for him and his brothers. Only once the women were settled in did he head out and climb upfront. He saw the lamps lit in the smaller house and Greta standing in the doorway with Edvin in a window. He didn’t bother to stop to speak with them. Instead, Axel snapped the reigns a bit and clicked at the horse to get it moving.


	20. Chapter 20

There were far too many people in the house. What had Axel been thinking when he brought them all here? It really wasn’t many more than had been here during the storm, but it just felt like there was. Luckily, they didn’t need many more bedrooms. Axel and Miriam stayed in his room. Helga and Alma stayed in the small guest room. Mamma took back her old room. Then he and Otto had their rooms. But it just felt crowded. He kind of liked hearing people mulling about at all times. It felt like home again, but he was worried about Otto.

The large man was cracking. He had confessed the deeply disturbing situation that had happened in town. Oscar hadn’t been sure how to handle the information. Part of him wanted to say that he understood and confess his own crime, but he didn’t. 

Oscar was mildly horrified when Otto told him what had happened. His brother had always been so gentle. Always the last to join the fight and always the last to fire his gun when hunting. He just couldn’t imagine the scene Otto described to him. His sweet, gentle brother putting a hoof pick through another man’s skull was just fantastical to think about. He half expected it to be some sort of sick joke and for Otto to break into a smile and laugh at him for falling for it. That never happened though.

Having more than just their mother and brother back seemed to be a lot for the tall man and Oscar felt sorry for him. The women put him on edge.

Walking into the kitchen, he was surprised to see Helga sitting at the table with a cup of coffee. When Axel had shown up a few nights ago with Mamma and the girls, he’d seen the state Helga’s face was in. He knew that wasn’t his brother’s doing. Oscar was sure his brother would have no issue fighting a woman if she proved to be a real threat to him, but Helga was hardly a threat to anyone. Her pretty face was still bruised, but it looked better than it had a few mornings ago.

He thought about turning around and leaving, but she seemed to be alone and didn’t even seem to notice him coming in. Just lost in her own thoughts and staring down into her coffee. Not wanting to scare her, he cleared his throat a little before walking over to the counter where Miriam had left some rosemary bread from supper last night, “Good afternoon, Helga,” he said softly, “Where’s Alma?” the two were hard to get apart from each other the few times they had come here before.

“She went for a walk…”

“You didn’t want to go with? It’s a little warmer out than usual,” which meant they would have an early spring or another storm was coming.

“...she didn’t want me to.”

Oscar thought about leaving again. He knew Helga wasn’t fond of him. He’d thought, one time, that they might get along because they had a secret in common. That didn’t seem to be the case though. Still, she was his sister, even if just by marriage, and she seemed upset. He wouldn’t leave one of his brothers if they were sounding so sullen. Plus, it wasn’t like he had much else to do today. He’d already taken care of what he needed to do around the house for the morning. So he took his bread and sat down at the table across from her, “I’m sorry. Is she upset?”

“...she is…”

“I’m sorry,” he said again. There wasn’t much else he could say. It wasn’t as if their family had the best relationships. She had to know that first hand considering she was married to one of them. 

They were both quiet as he ate his bread and she sipped her coffee. It took a long time before either of them spoke again, “Have you ever...ever had a fight with…” she looked at the door, as if she were expecting someone to walk in on them, “...with _him_?”

Oscar looked at her curiously, “Him? My brother? Did you get into a fight with Axel?”

“No. Not Axel. That boy? The one you…”

He understood now, “Filip.”

“Yes. Filip. Him. Do you ever fight with him?” she was speaking very quietly and leaned over the table a little.

Oscar couldn’t say they had ever been in a physical fight. It wasn’t like when he got into it with guys at the bar. There were raised voices and harsh words said sometimes. Things they both apologized for and made love to make up for afterward, “Sometimes.”

“Like what?”

He realized she had never fought with Alma before. He couldn’t imagine Alma had been happy to hear that she was going to marry Axel, but they both had to know that was something unavoidable at the time and hadn’t fought about it. His and Filip’s relationship had been easy at first too. Just kissing once in a while in the barn and talking sweetly to each other for a moment or two. Things were much more serious now. Axel had his own lover now, standing up to Helga’s father, and bringing them all here meant things were different for the girls now. He was sure their serious situations didn’t involve murder though. Not unless Helga planned on killing his brother and running away with her lover. Oscar felt sick realizing that he had to consider that as a very real possibility, simply because he was dealing with a similar situation, “Nothing we haven’t been able to talk through.”

Before Helga could say anything more, they both went silent as the kitchen door opened. He was surprised to see his mother shuffling in. He moved quickly to pull out a chair for her and Helga got up to help her to the table, “Mamma, what’re you doing out of bed?” he asked softly as she sat.

She coughed a little and waved a hand, “No no. I won’t be cooped up in my own house. Helga, will you get me some coffee?”

“Of course, Mamma,” Oscar knew Helga wasn’t so nice with her own husband, but she seemed to be fond of their mother.

He remembered when they were younger and the Gustavsson would bring Helga and Edvin here for their mother to watch for a bit when they had to go into the city. He knew his mother always wanted a daughter. She loved her sons, but she never got a daughter. No, that wasn’t quite true. She had told them all several years ago that they should have had a sister. That Oscar wasn’t going to be the youngest of them. She lost the baby though. He imagined having Helga around when they were younger was both hard and nice for her. Helga had been happy to stay inside with their mother and let the woman brush her hair and sew dresses for her. He didn’t know much about Helga’s own mother, but he imaged she wasn’t quite as affectionate.

Oscar knew their mother wasn’t aware of what was going on with her children, birthed and married, “Where is Axel?” she asked.

“Still in bed, Mamma. He’s tired this morning and I told him to sleep in,” Helga was quick to make excuses. Not that it was a complete lie. Axel hadn’t come down from his room yet this morning, but he was sure that had nothing to do with being tired and he was positive Helga had no part in keeping him in there. He wished his brother would keep up the act even here at home. It would break their mother’s heart if she knew what her eldest son and daughter-in-law were doing.

“Lazy. He’s going to have a hard time working when the weather warms if he keeps sleeping in all the time. You need to make him work, Söt blomma. Or you should at least be in bed with him.”

“Mamma…” he groaned and wrinkled his nose. Helga’s face was pink as she set the coffee down and settled back into her own sear.

“This is my house and I’ll say what I please. When you are my age, you can do that too. I would just like to see a grandson or a granddaughter before I die.”

It was Helga to speak back this time, “Mamma, you’re not going to die. We’re going to take care of you. You’ll outlive us all, Mamma.”

“Helga is right, Mamma. No talking like that. I’m sure Axel and Helga will give you half a dozen grandchildren,” he smirked at her across the table and she pursed her lips at him. 

“Yes and I’m sure Oscar will meet a lovely girl soon and give you just as many,” he couldn’t be upset at her for that one, “I hear Linnea Karlsson is a good girl.”

“That poor girl doesn’t have a thought in her pretty head. None of the Karlsson’s do. And she’s much too old for my baby,” finding a wife for Axel was an easy task. It was likely their father had started setting up the marriage to Helga before his death. Their families were close enough and Helga was pretty. Finding a marriage for him, her baby, would be more time-consuming.

“She’s not old, Mamma,” he said softly as he started cutting a piece of bread for her to eat.

“She’s sort of funny. You know, in my day we behaved a little more appropriately. We knew what to keep at home and what to keep on holiday. Linnea Karlsson doesn’t know how to behave at home. She’s a silly girl and it’s going to get her into trouble one day.”

Oscar shook his head a little and tried to coax his mother into eating, “That’s enough about Linnea, Mamma. You need to eat.”

“Edvin says he saw her kissing another girl at the bar one night. The boys find that sort of thing cute at first, but they won’t when it comes time for the wedding. She’s a silly girl who doesn’t think.”

“Mamma!” Helga gasped.

“In my day you took your holiday without your fathers, brothers, or husbands to Sigtuna and kept it among your girlfriends. It’s not something you do at home.”

The look on Helga’s face, he imagined, matched his own. Oscar didn’t know what to say and he wasn’t entirely sure he was understanding what he was hearing either. His sister-in-law seemed to be feeling the same as he looked up and saw her mouth gaping open a bit, “...Mamma…” he started, but he didn’t know where to go from there, “...you can’t say things like that…” he said softly.

“Of course I can. I’m old and I’m going to die. I can say what I like.”

Helga leaned across the table and whispered, “Mamma, did you...did you kiss a girl?”

The older woman sipped her coffee. She looked so frail from the coughing that kept her up for long hours at night. They all knew it was just a matter of time. When Axel came to move her to the Gustavsson’s farm, Oscar had felt a bit empty being around the house without her. She was right, this was her house. It wouldn’t feel the same when she could never come back. It was painful to think about. 

But she was here for now and Oscar felt like he was learning something about her. Something she wanted to say because she knew the end was nearing, “I would never say that. What happens on holiday is meant to stay private between those who went.”

To Oscar, that meant yes but she didn’t want to say yes, “Are you feeling alright, Mamma?”

“Of course,” she smiled and pat his cheek.

“...I have to…” he needed to do something, “I have to go talk to Axel…”

“As do I,” Helga added in.

The two of them stumbled out of the kitchen and started up the stairs fast, “I’m telling him.”

“Why do you get to tell him? He’s my husband.”

“You don’t have sex with him,” he didn’t consider the two of them really married.

“Neither do you. I’m the one he pushed out of the barn window saying the hay would break my fall and I broke my arm instead when we were seven.”

“I’m the one he shot in the shoulder because he said he could shoot the pumpkin off of my head when Pappa first taught him how to shoot a bow.”

They argued in front of the bedroom door. Each time one of them would go to knock or reach for the handle, the other would smack it away. It didn’t go on long as they got loud and the door swung open, startling the both of them, “What is wrong with you two?” Axel stood in the door wearing only his pants, which were undone. His hair was a bit of a mess and his face looked flushed as if he had been burying his place somewhere warm. Behind him, Miriam was snuggled into the bed. She had the blankets pulled up tight around her chest and looked a bit put off. Oscar realized they had interrupted.

“Mamma kissed girls,” they both said fast.

The taller man looked at them both with annoyance. He didn’t even bother to respond to them. Instead, he slammed the door in their faces and they both jumped, “...I thought it was interesting…” Helga said softly.

“I did too…”

“...I’m going to go find Alma…”

He nodded a little, “I’m going to go make sure the chickens have enough hay for the night…” he let her leave first. Watching her go. It had actually felt nice talking to Helga today.


End file.
